


At Ease, Soldier

by steve_it_only_hurt_a_little_rogers



Series: Soulmate reader inserts [3]
Category: Captain America (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: F/M, I Don't Even Know, Racial slurs, What Was I Thinking?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-16
Updated: 2015-09-17
Packaged: 2018-04-09 14:49:57
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 39
Words: 26,786
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4353032
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/steve_it_only_hurt_a_little_rogers/pseuds/steve_it_only_hurt_a_little_rogers
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You're the Winter Soldier's physician (just go with it) and soulmate.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. You Meet

**Author's Note:**

> Rules:  
> In this world, you could see every color except your soulmate’s eyes until you met. And “met” was always a relative term. For some it was instantaneous. As soon as they met their love’s eyes the world exploded in full clarity, all the unnecessary greys, blacks, and whites giving way to the colors that only true love could reveal. But for others, it was a slow burn. They could be around their soulmate for months or even years before they truly met each other, so to speak.

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The first time you see him, he’s out of control.

“Meet your new patient,” the agent next to you said.

You think he said his name was Ward. Honestly, you could care less. You hated your parents for putting you here. As you walked into the room, your charge was struggling against being restrained.

“Hey!” you shouted.

HYDRA's greatest weapon, their ghost story, their man with a metal arm, the Winter Soldier, ignored you and continued to put up a fight. You ran up close to him ignoring-Ward’s?- whomever’s warning. The Soldier flung someone across the room almost hitting you.

“HEY! STAND DOWN SOLDIER!” you ordered and dodged simultaneously.

Your command gave him enough pause for the agents to subdue him. Before the tranquilizer took effect, you met his eyes. Your vision became cooler, his became warmer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Find me at: steve-it-hurt-a-little-rogers.tumblr.com


	2. Your First Exam

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You give the Soldier a physical. (Not like that you pervs)

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

When he wakes up, you’re in a chair next to his, reading. He struggled against his restraints, causing you to cock an eyebrow up at him. Why do they always struggle? You closed your book and stood up as did, Ward, who sat a few feet away from you.

“Hey hey hey! At ease, Soldier. My name is Dr. (Y/F/N) (Y/L/N), I am your new physician and if you promise not to make a scene, I will take off your restraints. Understand?” you explained.

You and the Soldier glared at each other for a few minutes before he nodded. You nodded back and took off the leather straps around his wrists and ankles. He stayed calm. You dismissed, Ward, from his guard duty and turned back to your patient.

“Okay, Soldier, since I’m new, I’d like to give you a physical exam for myself. But first,” you started.

You went to grab a syringe and fill it up. The Soldier kept flinching away whenever you came near him with it. You grabbed his human arm in frustration and held it down, while looking up into his emotionless eyes.

“Will you keep still?!” you exclaimed, “I’m just going to give you something to get that tranq out of your system faster! I guess I’ll just go get, Ward, and-.”

“NO!” he shouted, “Please. Please don’t.”

He stilled himself and looked at you, his blue puppy dog eyes now begging you for mercy. You frowned in confusion.

Ward seemed nice enough, better than the rest of them anyway. What horrors did he accomplish that could make the Winter Soldier shrink in fright? You decided to file that thought away for later as you rubbed his arm to comfort him a bit.

“Okay, okay, I won’t,” you promised, “I will never purposely hurt you, okay?”

He stared at you for a little longer, scanning for any signs of deception before nodding and letting you sink the needle in. When you were sure the medicine worked it’s magic, you gave him a physical for your own records. You didn’t trust the people that came before you. There was no one here you trusted, really.

Throughout his exam, the Soldier compiled. Most likely because he was scared you would get, Ward, which you would never do now that you’ve seen your patient's reaction to him, but hidden away in that dead eyed stare of his was confusion. You weren’t that surprised, however, because it was unlikely he ever experienced the gentleness that you try to give to all of your patients.  Or any type of kindness for that matter as truly altruistic people were few and far between in HYDRA. No, what you worried about was the fact that you could see in full color. There’s no way the universe thought you two needed each other, you were both too unstable. He was the fucking Winter Soldier and every day you thought about dropping off the face of the Earth and starting a new life far away from your parents and HYDRA. Besides for all you know you’re not _his_ soulmate. You shook your head and took some final notes.

“There!” you smiled, “That wasn’t so bad was it?”

The Soldier looked at you with the ghost of a questioning look.

 _“Of course, he’s not going to answer idiot!”_ you scolded yourself, _“The man has practically been told when he can and can’t breathe for god knows how long!”_

“It’s okay to talk to me, Soldier, I won’t bite,” you smiled.

You cleaned up and gathered your things, pretending not to be aware that your, Soldier, was watching you carefully.

“I expect we’ll see each other again. As you were!” you said in farewell.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just fyi I've never seen Agents of SHIELD
> 
> Find me at: steve-it-hurt-a-little-rogers.tumblr.com


	3. The Soldier

\--------------------------------------Bucky POV--------------------------------------

 _“Who is she? What did she do to you? Why isn’t everything mostly grey? Why are you letting her do this stuff to you? You’ve never let a doctor get that close to you by themself. Why is she being so nice? ‘I will never purposely hurt you…’ Yeah, right. Surely she wants_ something. _No one is kind to you without reason around here. You were a weapon nothing more. You shouldn’t want to be anything more. She must be here to punish you for something…get someone to treat you good and then when you begin to like them they turn on you. Hurt you. Mock you. Your superiors have done it a couple of times. To ‘keep your head in the game’ they said.”_

The Winter Soldier shook slightly thinking about it, but then his mind went back to his new doctor.

_“Don’t get attached. You don’t have friends. You can’t trust anyone. The mission. Missions are the only things that matter.”_

The Soldier sat and waited for his next command. He put his metal hand on the spot you rubbed on his arm in comfort and tried to not to think about how your eyes were the most beautiful color he’d ever seen and familiar somehow…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Find me at: steve-it-hurt-a-little-rogers.tumblr.com


	4. I'm a Doctor Not The Help

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fuck Agent Davis.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The next time you see the Solider again for longer than two minutes is a month later when you come to stitch up one of the lower agents. Davis was his name and you hated him the most. He was racist, misogynistic, brutish, basically everything you expect a HYDRA grunt to be.

There was a small, no Winter Soldier required mission that, Davis, went on and gotten himself shot in the shoulder. Since you were the only doctor in that moment for some stupid for sure reason, you took care of him.

You entered the room where they kept the Soldier because it doubled as your “office”. The metal armed man sat in his chair as usual, staring at nothing, but when you came in, he perked up a bit.

“At ease, Soldier,” you greeted him, “How are you?”

In the limited times you’ve talked to him you gotten him to give either a nod or one word answers. Most times he just stared at you in confusion with those beautiful blue puppy eyes of his. You wish he talked more, but even a grunt of acknowledgement was better than nothing. Today though, he just glanced over at, Davis, and looked back down, emotionless. You grimaced.

While the Soldier- god you wish they would tell you what his real name is, _The Winter Soldier,_ was _so_  dehumanizing- could kill everyone in this building in five minutes flat without breaking a sweat, almost everyone ranked over him and people like, Davis, made sure he didn’t forget it. And speaking of low ranking human beings…

“Bitch, stop talking to the machine and get over here! I’m dying,” he complained.

You sighed, walked to the agent and sat down in the chair in front of him.

“For the hundredth time you dick, I’m a doctor not the help. I didn’t go through eleven years of bullshit for nothing,” you said as calmly as possible.

You took a look at his shoulder. He hissed and growled at you when you touched it, admittedly with more force then needed.

“And second of all, tis a flesh wound.”

You smiled slightly when you heard the smallest of snorts from the Soldier. You moved to get up to put on a pair of gloves and gather your necessary equipment when, Davis, grabbed your hair and pulled you close to him.

“What did I tell you about trying to be funny?” he snarled, pulling you harder, “Do you need another lesson in respecting your superiors?”

Your hand slightly drifted to the side of your ribs where teachings from two weeks ago were still healing.

“No!” you snapped.

He gripped your hair closer to your scalp and you squeaked a little.

“'No’ what?” he sneered.

“No, s-sir!”

Seemingly satisfied with your answer he let go of you, but then his boot connected with your chest. You fell backwards and you landed hard on the concrete floor, your head making a loud thud. 

Determine to not let him see the pain you were in, you moved to get up, but the same boot that put you on the ground kept you pinned there by the neck. Davis sneered down at you.

“I’m not convinced. Same room, same time, don’t be late. Now do your job,” he ordered.

As soon as he let you go, you scrambled to get up so he wouldn't hit you again and say you were taking too long. As you went by the Soldier, you were too wrapped up in keeping your composure to notice the murderous look he had fixed on your assaulter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can Agents ranking over Bucky as a way of keeping him in line be a thing? I'm making it a thing.
> 
> Find me at: steve-it-hurt-a-little-rogers.tumblr.com


	5. Thank You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky did a thing.

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Your superiors called you back in back an hour later to deal with a beaten unconscious, Davis, and a multiple cuts and bruises Winter Soldier. You did what you could with, Davis, and left him on your examination table with strict orders for you to be told the moment he wakes up. Then you went to the Soldier. You cleaned up his wounds, trying to hurt him as little as possible.

“Thank you,” you said.

You slightly stroked the bandage you just put on his cheek with a grateful smile. You could count on one hand the number of times someone stuck up for you like that. He nodded with a slight smile that almost reached his eyes and helped you clean up the mess he made of the room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Find me at: steve-it-hurt-a-little-rogers.tumblr.com


	6. No One

\-----------------------------------Bucky POV----------------------------------------

_“No one hurts her."_

As you and him finished cleaning up your "office", you told him that officially you were going to stay to observe, Davis, but really so he would have more than the not moving body of the man he almost killed for company. He just sat there contentedly watching and listening while you had a one sided conversation with him. You got so animated, especially when mentioning your Uncle Fury, when you talked. Hands waving everywhere and covering your mouth when you think you've laughed too loudly. Your eyes bright and happy- well mostly happy, there was something hidden in them he couldn't place. It was amazing and he never wanted it to stop. He wanted to know what color could be dark, but so warm and comforting. He wanted to know why you made him feel so...human.

_"No one.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Find me at: steve-it-hurt-a-little-rogers.tumblr.com


	7. Eavesdropping

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pierce is up to something.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“...worried about Dr. (Y/L/N)’s relationship to The Asset.”

You just checked in for the day when you heard, Ward, say your name. You pressed yourself against the wall of the doorway the voices came from.

“Don’t be, as far as I’m concerned this is perfect!” dismissed a familiar voice.

Pierce. You met him only once when he interviewed you and he was cordial enough, but there was something about him that made you uncomfortable just being in the same room as him.

“Perfect, sir?” Ward questioned.

You could hear that, Pierce, started to pace the room.

“Sure! You know as well as I do wiping him is become more ineffective each time we do it. Now we need something we can hold over his head. That’s where his precious doctor comes in.”

You clenched your fists. Is that all you are? Some dangling piece of meat to control the Soldier-or Bucky rather. You got fed up with not knowing his name and did some detective work two nights ago. It sounded like, Pierce, had stopped moving.

“You saw that video footage. She gets hurt and five minutes after she leaves the room, The Asset, nearly kills her harasser? That’s no coincidence, Ward. He still feels something for her and that’s good for us.”

It was silent for a moment and you waited with bated breath.

“So now what?” Ward asked.

“We see how things play out. I don’t know anything about this soulmate business.”

You whispered and, Ward, blurted at the same time, “Soulmates?!”

“Yeah,” Pierce answered, “The good doctor’s parents told me that she had found her way into the Soldier's room when she was a child and when they got her she wouldn’t stop talking about ‘where did color go’ and the previous doctor said that The Asset asked about color being there one minute and gone the next. I don’t know.”

You started walking towards Bucky’s room. You were his? The memory they talked about was vague enough in your mind so you doubted your soldier remembered. But really? Was it true? As small bubble of warmth grew in your chest and you were so wrapped up in it you didn’t hear the rest of the two men’s conversation as they came out the room.

“So you’ve been planning this all along?”

Pierce didn’t answer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Forgive me if I'm writing Ward wrong. Alls I know is that he's the bastard that damaged Fitz.
> 
> Find me at: steve-it-hurt-a-little-rogers.tumblr.com


	8. Spaghetti

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lady and the Tramp was cute okay?

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

As usual when you entered the Sol-Bucky’s area, he was staring off into nothing. You wished you could do something, _anything_ to bring his eyes back to life. His constant “the lights are on but nobody’s home” expression broke your heart more and more every time you saw it, but what could you do?

“My best,” you mumbled to yourself.

Bucky must have heard you because he straightened up and turned towards your voice.

“At ease, Soldier,” you greeted him, taking your customary seat next to him.

He gave you a tired smile and made the slightest glance towards your bag. In the four months you’ve been here, you noticed that HYDRA doesn’t take the best care of their so called “Asset”. They often neglected to feed him, clothe him, or even let him bathe.

“I brought something new,” you smiled.

Usually you brought left over take out or something and you two would share it, but for today you decided to make spaghetti. Your detective work from the night before revealed to you not only his name, but that it was his birthday today and custom in your family dictates that means pasta for dinner.

“My mom makes it better, but…” you shrugged.

Bucky paused his attack on your pasta and made direct eye contact.

“It's swell, (Y/N),” he said.

His mouth was full so it came out garbled, but it was appreciated all the same. You were so grateful your dark skin color covered up most of the red from your constant blushing in his presence.

You and, Bucky, ate in silence for a bit until you both happened to shovel the same strand of noodle into your mouths. Your lips almost met Lady and the Tramp style till you bit it off at the last second.

“Sorry!” you apologized.

“Your hair is pretty!” he blurted out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Find me at: steve-it-hurt-a-little-rogers.tumblr.com


	9. Brown

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry. Did Davis step on your moment?

~~~~\-----------------------------------Bucky POV----------------------------------------

Bucky groaned internally.

 _“’Your hair is pretty?’_ Really? _Smooth move, creep_.”

You put your hand in that curly puff and looked at it with your brow furrowed.

“I-thank you?” you said, “It’s just your basic brown but-.”

“What?” Bucky asked.

He was looking straight into your eyes again. He just figured out the answer to all of life’s questions.

“My hair is brown?” you repeated.

Bucky put his hands on your cheeks underneath your eyes, grateful that you never flinched away from his metal one.

“Brown…so beautiful,” he said, leaning in towards your face.

“HEY!”

You both froze and looked towards the door. Davis. He had a pretty nasty scar underneath his eye courtesy of the Winter Soldier.

“Get out, bitch,” he growled at you, “I need to discuss something with the machine.”

Bucky stiffened. It took every bit of willpower to not kill this guy just for existing. Bucky told you it was okay to leave. Davis grabbed your arm and whispered something to you on your way out. The Soldier couldn’t hear, but whatever it was made you clench your fists and widen your eyes in fear.

 _“I swear to_ god _if you’re threatening her again…”_

Davis came up to, Bucky, and crossed his arms. The Soldier had to fight back a smirk when he saw the slight unease in the grunt’s eyes.

“I have your next mission orders.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Find me at: steve-it-hurt-a-little-rogers.tumblr.com


	10. 3 am

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Call me butter because I'm on a roll! I'll see myself out.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

They called you into duty at three in the morning two weeks later, and you found your solider bleeding out from bullets in his stomach. You immediately went to him. When, Bucky, saw you his hands immediately reached out for yours and put them over his wounds. He always did that whenever he’s in a lot of pain and opening his mouth to tell you where it hurts would result in him crying out, which no weapon absolutely could not do. That showed weakness and severe punishment followed.

“At ease, Soldier,” you soothed, “I need you to keep pressure on your stomach while I get my stuff, okay?”

He obeyed your orders while you got everything as fast as possible. When you came back over, you took his hands away from your work area and began patching him up. He just barely whined and you looked at him with apologetic eyes.

“I know, baby, I know. I’m going to get you fixed up, just hang on.”

At that moment, the rest of the injured people on the mission came streaming in.

“Hey! He’s a robot, he’ll be fine! What about me?”

You turned to the man child that was the one and only Agent Davis. He had a nasty cut on his face and a few bullets had grazed him. You scowled and were about to not so politely tell him to wait his turn when, Ward, beat you to it.

“Come on, you pansy, I’ll clean you up. Fucking Christ.”

Ward pushed the whiny piss baby to another part of the room so you could return attention to your soldier. His eyes were closed and you could tell that he was figuratively biting the bullet.

_“This is my life now, huh? Dealing with man children and stitching up my one hundred years old terminator of a soulmate that hasn’t had an independent thought in over seventy years. I should’ve listened to Uncle Fury and left when I could…”_

Looking at, Bucky, though, you couldn’t bring yourself to completely regret your decision.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Find me at: steve-it-hurt-a-little-rogers.tumblr.com


	11. 8 am

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Soldier does a thing.

 --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A couple hours later, you had, Bucky, hooked up to an IV and sleeping on a mattress you found and dragged in. When you finished, you pulled a seat up to sit beside your slumbering soldier. You smiled and kissed his forehead as he looked almost peaceful in sleep.

You yawned and looked at the time. Even though it was around 6:30 am, you were ready for bed. You put your hand in his metal one and set your head down on his legs.

“Goodnight, Bucky,” you sighed.

 

You woke up a couple hours later due to, Bucky, having a vice grip on your hand. You tried pulling yourself out, but he just kept squeezing your hand tighter.

“Ow! Sweetie, you’re hurting me!” you said.

You shook him, but he was too deeply asleep. What he was mumbling about in his dreams you couldn’t make out, but you knew he was going to completely crush your hand if you didn’t do something soon. So you did something you promised yourself you’d never do.

“WAKE UP, SOLIDER!” you shouted, slapping him hard across the face twice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Find me at: steve-it-hurt-a-little-rogers.tumblr.com


	12. It's Not a Side Effect of the Cocaine. I Am Thinking It Must Be Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I've made myself so sad writing this story but the show must go on!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FOB makes me think of Bucky like no matter the situation. I'm pretty sure I could write a story to each song.

\-------------------------------Bucky POV--------------------------------------------

_“Come on you know we’ll have to sooner or later,” the Winter Solider sneered._

_“No, I ain’t doing it,” Bucky said firmly, “And there ain't no ‘we’.”_

_The Soldier frowned in mock hurt and, Bucky, rolled his eyes._

_“After seventy years, you still don’t love me? Talk about playing hard to get!”_

_Bucky just glared. There was a distant scream and it sounded like (Y/N). The Soldier was smirking._

_“What're you doing to her?”_

_“Nothing she didn’t deserve. She got too close so I had to bite.”_

_Bucky’s eyes narrowed._

_“Let. Her. Go,” he snarled._

_“And if I don’t?”_

_Bucky almost pounced when the ground crumbled beneath both their feet._

“I SAID NOW, DAMNIT!”

Bucky's eyes flew open. He stopped you from hitting him again and let go of you. You got up and stumbled back from him, cradling your hand. Bucky reached out for you, feeling nothing but shame and worry.

“(Y/N)…I’m…I didn’t…”

“It’s fine. Don’t move too much you might mess up your stitches,” you said stiffly.

You went to grab some things to set your hand. As you made your way around, you breathed heavily and he saw a couple of your right hand fingers appeared-who was he kidding- _were_ broken. You were, obviously, in pain, but you didn’t look angry, you looked worried. Your warm, bright brown eyes looked directly into his cold, dead blue ones and asked if _he_ was okay, as if _he_ nearly got his hand destroyed by a homicidal maniac. Bucky started crying.

What did he do to doom you to being bonded to him for the rest of your life? You didn’t deserve him. Someone like you should be with someone stable, someone that would never hurt you... 

“Shhh, it’s okay,” you soothed, not knowing that it was your kindness that was making him like this, “I’m okay, I’ll live, baby.”

You put your good hand over his metal one, “Help me, please.”

* * *

 

Bucky couldn’t look you in the eye as you looked down examining your bounded hand. What would if next time it wasn’t your hand? What if it was your neck? How could he live with himself if he- even accidentally...?

He killed so many innocents in his lifetime imprisonment, and their pleads for mercy haunt him more and more the longer he’s out of cryo, but just the thought of the light in your eyes being extinguished by his hands…

He started tearing up again and immediately felt your hand on his shoulder. You sat on the bed, looking completely worn out, but somehow you still smiled.

“Good job, Soldier! You sure you weren’t a nurse in a former life?”

He reached out to brush the hair out of your face so he could see your eyes better and his hand settled on your cheek. You were so kind, so caring, so _beautiful_...how...? Why...?

“Why are you so sweet on me, doll?” he finally whispered.

Your brow furrowed like he had just asked the most ridiculous question on earth.

“You’ve never given me a reason not to be.”

He kissed you. You kissed him back. At first, it was fairly innocent because he had surprised himself and that shock doubled when you reciprocated, but it soon got more heated in a way he forgot he could feel. Suddenly, he wanted-no, _needed_ , to show you how much you mattered to him, how much he needed you.

He slid you onto his lap and licked your bottom lip asking for permission you happily gave. As the kiss deepened, your good hand tangled in his shoulder length, chestnut hair and the other arm, you slung over his shoulder.

His hands found their way up your shirt and started messing with your bra clasp, causing you to yank his hair. He groaned in what he wish he could say was irritation.

“Not here,” you hissed, “God knows I want to, but not here.”

You were right. Making love in your open office would not be the best thought out idea. He settled his hands on your hips and blushed.

“Could-could you do that again?” he asked.

“Do what?”

“P-pull my hair…” he said, blushing deeper.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poll time: should the reader slow things down or just say fuck it and see where it takes her?
> 
> Find me at: steve-it-hurt-a-little-rogers.tumblr.com


	13. Two Years Later

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A chat with Steve Rogers when- a wild Davis appears!

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

And so, two years came to pass as a HYDRA employee. Ward dropped off the face of the Earth, Davis was…Davis, and you managed to keep, Bucky, out of cryo. As a result he opened up a bit more and you two started to form something resembling a romantic relationship, though you still thought about leaving occasionally. Joining SHIELD crossed your mind multiple times, your uncle was the director after all, but SHIELD was mostly HYDRA now so what was the point? And of course, there was your Soldier. It wouldn't be right to leave him all alone again and just thinking about being without him made your chest hurt.

You didn’t tell your neighbor the complete truth of all this though. After all, how could he believe you? He was just a work-from-home office grunt for Stark Industries.

“You sure you don’t want me to come over and talk to your bosses?”

“No, Steve, I don’t need you to get me fired,” you said, rolling your eyes, “Pass the popcorn.”

The friendship between you and Steve Rogers began like all strong relationships: breaking and entering. About two years ago, you came home late from work, and you realized you left your house keys on your kitchen counter. You tended to keep your windows unlocked since you lived on the fifth floor and decided just to go up the fire escape and climb through. You were more tired than you thought you were, though, because you landed with a thump at the feet of a blond Greek god, who just happened to be walking by his window. He pinned you to the wall for a minute while you explained yourself, but soon discovered you were no threat. The next morning he reminded you to not forget your keys. He just kept reminding you every day and eventually you invited him for a movie night. There are just somethings that can’t happen without people becoming friends.

He just got back from a long business trip yesterday and his wife was at work, so you two decided to catch up today.

“I won’t get you fired. Just treated better,” Steve shrugged.

“Yeah? And how did that go at Li’s job again?” you said, eyebrow raised.

Steve blushed and didn’t say anything. As far as you know, Steve’s romantic soulmate still won’t let him live down his “little talk with the principal” that resulted in, Li, getting suspended for a week without pay. Their resulting argument still sent you into peals of laughter, though you wish you never heard the sounds of their make-up sex.

You two sat watching your favorite movie in silence for a few minutes before, Steve, spoke again.

“How’s that one patient of yours? The soldier?” he smirked.

You felt the heat rise in your cheeks. Why did you ever tell him anything about Bucky? You picked through the truths you could tell carefully.

“He’s doing okay. He doesn’t wait for me to talk to him first to talk to me anymore and he’s eating right..."

“And his relapses?”

“Still has a lot of them, but I’m not surprised with the things he’s seen…” you said.

You looked down. It wasn’t a complete lie.

Steve nodded understandingly and looked like he aged decades for a minute. Sometimes you wondered if you were the only one keeping secrets in this friendship. Before either of you could continue the conversation, there was a knock at your door.

“Who the hell?” you mumbled.

You opened the door to reveal all 5'8" of Davis. and he looked like the last place he wanted to be was here. The feeling was mutual.

“I have mission orders for you.”

“What? Mission? Me?” you stuttered in confusion.

“That’s what I just said, isn’t it? How the fuck did you people make it out of the fields?”

Your hand clenched the door; you took a deep breath to calm yourself and called to the living room.

“Steve? Rain check on the rest of the movie? Something work related came up.”

Steve came into your field of view to make sure you were okay. He glared at Davis. You may have told him a little too much about the racist asshole at work.

“You sure (Y/N)?” the blond asked.

“Yeah, really it’s fine. Go check on Li. Amelia and James look ready to come any day now,” you answered, pushing him out the door slightly.

Steve made sure he accidentally on purpose shoved, Davis, a bit exiting your apartment. You made sure, Steve, was out of ear shot before inviting in the HYDRA agent, a gesture he thankfully disregarded.

“You’re going to house the machine for a while,” Davis said.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Are you guys actually enjoying this? Because I sure am
> 
> Find me at: steve-it-hurt-a-little-rogers.tumblr.com


	14. Your Assignment If You Choose to Accept It-Nah I'm Just Screwing with You There is No Choice

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“What? Why?!” you exclaimed.

“Just do as you’re told. Here’s the details of your part,” Davis said shoving a flash drive at you, “He’ll be here tonight.”

Davis immediately left. You closed your door to stand against it for a few moments to collect your thoughts.

Bucky here? In your apartment? Where you live? You can’t say you never imagined it. Waking up every day in his arms, kissing each other goodbye as you both went off to work, walking down the streets holding hands talking about buying a house, babysitting the twins when Steve and Li need a break, maybe having little ones of your own…

You shook your head to bring yourself back to reality. The way your lives were it’s a miracle you two even talk to each other let alone lov-.

 _“(Y/N)! Focus!”_ you mentally slap yourself.

You looked down at the flash drive and moved to plug it into your laptop. There was a single word document on it.

_Doctor (Y/L/N):_

_You are to shelter the Asset for three (3) days. It will arrive at 1900 hours on March 31 st, 2014. Do not leave your residence and do not let anyone enter unless instructed otherwise. Make your necessary preparations before the above time and date._

You glanced at the clock: 2’o clock. Your assignment would be here in five hours and you still needed to buy food, clothes, and other things for him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Find me at: steve-it-hurt-a-little-rogers.tumblr.com


	15. You All Knew It Was Coming

\--------------------------------------Bucky POV----------------------------------------

Bucky knew that the agents around him were talking. Some were probably even talking to him, but the only thing he could hear was the last thing, Pierce, said hours ago.

_“After this mission, wipe him and freeze him.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Find me at: steve-it-hurt-a-little-rogers.tumblr.com


	16. You Two are Saps

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky comes. (Not in that way you pervs!)

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

At 7’ o clock on the dot, someone knocked on your door. You came out of the kitchen where you were finishing up dinner. You smoothed out the outfit, Bucky, said he liked on you, and opened the door. Standing there was Davis, another agent you didn’t know, and your solider. Davis shoved, Bucky, through the door meaning he collided with you, which made you lose your balance and you both fell. Davis leered and walked away.

“We’ll be back in exactly 3 days,” the other agent said and then followed his partner.

Bucky sat up just enough for you to be able to breathe, his face just a few inches from yours. You kicked your front door closed.

“Hey, Bucky bear,” you whispered, kissing the tip of his nose.

“Hey, baby doll,” he smiled, rubbing his nose against yours.

He got up off of you and helped you up. In your gut, you felt that something was wrong with him, so you took his hands.

“What’s the matter, babe? Wanna talk about it?”

Bucky looked you right in the eyes. A lot of things changed with him over the last two years. You called him by his real name without him panicking, he actually made conversation with you, he looked healthier since you fed him on a regular basis, he never hurt you again like he did the day he broke your hand, and, best of all, there was a bit of life back in those baby blues of his. But right now they looked just as dead as the day you 'met'. Whatever he was debating with himself, he seemed to settle it.

“It’s nothing, doll, I’m just tired,” he said, shaking his head.

You frowned, but long since figured out that he talks when he's ready. You gestured to your bedroom.

“If you want to shower, I got some stuff set out for you. And dinner’s ready when you’re done.”

Bucky smirked, dipped you, and planted a kiss on your lips.

“You’re too good to me, baby.”

“It’s not that hard.”

* * *

 

Twenty minutes later, you were in the kitchen texting Steve. Li went into labor an hour after you got your orders, and after calming down a class of mentally scarred nine year olds that watched their teacher’s water break and five hours of convincing his wife that the kids had to come out, Steve, snapchatted you a picture of his new family.

In the middle of telling him that they should bring the twins over next week, you felt cold metal around your waist and wet hair against your head. You turned around to see a freshly showered and clothed super soldier looking down at you, eyes dripping with adoration.

“James Buchanan Barnes!” you scolded with a smile, “I just straightened my hair! You know what happens when it gets wet!”

Bucky chuckled and hugged you in close, “But I love my puffy haired doctor!”

He dropped his voice real low.

"Especially when she dresses up real pretty for me."

“Uh huh,” you said, snuggling into his chest to hide your flustered face, “Flattery will-wait what?”

You looked up at him. Sure you felt it, but it never seemed an appropriate to admit it. Bucky’s eyebrows furrowed in confusion until he realized the full weight of what he said. He smiled softly, brushed your hair from your face, and cupped your cheek.

“I love you, (Y/N). I figured you already knew.”

You grinned brightly and kissed your soulmate, “I love you too, James.”

Bucky smiled wider and gave you a kiss right back that soon grew more heated. As your tongues explored each other’s mouths, your hands tangled in Bucky’s hair stroking it slightly and he pressed you up against the counter, grinding against you.

“Bucky….” you moaned into his mouth.

He smirked and began kissing you along your jaw and down your neck, deliberately only ghosting over the one spot he knew drove you crazy.

“Bucky! Quit teasing me,” you whined, “I am the host after-!”

He cut you off by picking you up bridal style and carrying you towards your room. Dinner could wait. You have a microwave.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Find me at: steve-it-hurt-a-little-rogers.tumblr.com


	17. Twin Skeletons (It's Exactly What You Think It Is)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What happened when Bucky carried you to the room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is absolutely no plot reason for this chapter until the end. I was just testing my smut writing skills because I told this person I would beta for them, but I didn't know there'd be smut in their story and I don't write that stuff (I'm a virgin just fyi), but I'm a woman of my word and well yeah. You can skip down to the end of this chapter honestly and miss absolutely nothing plot wise.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

When you got to your room, Bucky, laid you down on the bed and climbed on top of you. He started kissing your neck again focusing solely on your sweet spot while unbuttoning your blouse.

“Doll," he whispered against your skin, “You have no idea how many times I’ve wanted to tear these clothes off you and take you where you stood…”

You felt the heat rise in your cheeks and pool in your stomach. The physical intimacy between you and Bucky gradually increased over the past year or so. Whether it was as innocent as you touching him more than necessary when you patch him up or, Bucky, finding any all excuse to inconspicuously put his arms around you and hold you close whenever he could. At night, it was way easier since people rarely came into your “office”. You’d even occasionally spend the night when you thought you could get away with the “staying for observation” excuse. Those days you made sure you wore the skirts that made the super soldier stare the most. But you two never risked going all the way.

You sat up so he could take your shirt and bra off. He looked you up and down.

“God, (Y/N), you’re so _beautiful,”_ he groaned, “What I did to deserve you?”

He started kissing your breasts, taking care to drag his tongue over your nipples. Your breath hitched as you tried to keep coherent thoughts.

“Well,” you gasped, “Beating the shit out of that Conan the Barbarian wannabe was a nice-mmmm _Bucky_ …”

He kissed his way down your torso and now he put his hand up your skirt, stroking you through your underwear.

“All wet for me, baby doll?” Bucky asked huskily.

“There’s nobody else, Bucky bear…”

Thoroughly satisfied with that answer, he took off your bottoms and claimed your lips again You felt cold metal inside you and gasped slightly into his mouth making him smirk.

As your kissed deepened, he added a second finger then a third pumping in and out, stroking your clit with his thumb every time. Soon you were feeling a familiar tightening coil in your core.

“B…Buck…Bucky…” you moaned, “I’m about to-FUCK! Ohfuckohfuck right there!”

The super soldier replaced his fingers with his mouth and rubbed your inner thighs as he ate you out. You tangled your hands in his long hair. The bucking of your hips made you tug on it, which only made him increase his efforts. The coil finally snapped and you tensed and relaxed at the same time.

“BUCKY! Oh, James, _yes!"_ you cried out.

You panted slightly as, Bucky, rose his head up. You pulled him back up to your face and gave him a kiss. When you two pulled away his baby blue eyes shined brightly (well as brightly as they could) as he smirked,

“Good?”

You nodded as you ran your hands over his still clothed chest. You grinned as you lifted his shirt over his head.

“I can’t help but wonder though,” you said tugging down his sweatpants, “Why am I the only one naked?”

You took him in your hand and began pumping him. He gripped the top of your bed frame and growled,

“God damnit, (Y/N)…faster.”

You complied with his request until you got a better idea. Bucky whined at the loss of your hand while you scooted down, but soon the noise of complaints turned into ones of pleasure in Russian as you went down on him.

“Vot i voz'mi menya vse v,” he moaned, _“Blyad, (Y/N),_ you've been holding back on me..."

You swirled your tongue around him, taking care to go slowly over his tip because he made the best noises when you did, and stroking whatever couldn’t fit.

“Trakhni menya...Prekrati!" he shouted suddenly.

You just started to taste something going down your throat when he yanked you up to eye level.

“Ya ne sobirayus'- _I'm_   _not going_ to last too much longer if you keep doing that,” he groaned.

You smirked when you realized just how close he was. He was breathing heavily, could barely keep his eyes open, and your headboard was making splintering sounds where he was squeezing it. You stroked him a couple of times more just to be a tease. He groaned again, grabbed your hands, and looked you in the eyes, blushing a bit.

“Can I...? Can we...?” he asked.

You smiled and kissed him, “It would be my genuine pleasure.”

You reached into your drawer to get out a condom. It wasn’t him you didn’t trust, it was your cycle.

You slid it on him and almost immediately he was inside you.

“Blyad, _blyad,"_ he growled.

“Is that good?" you laughed.

“Da...."

He laid his head on your chest to give you some time to adjust and take in the feeling, before slowly thrusting in and out of you. None of your fantasies could’ve prepared you for this. Bucky fit perfectly in you, like he was made for you, and you for him. Being soulmates you didn’t doubt it.

“You’re so good to me, James,” you moaned into his ear as he picked up speed, “So fucking good. I’ll never want anyone else, I promise. I’ll _always_ need my Bucky bear.”

“(Y/N)…” Bucky whispered, holding you as close as he could, “I won’t forget my best girl...YA ne budu!”

Soon his thrusts became sloppy and rougher and you both came crying out each other’s names. He hovered over you bucking a couple more times before pulling out and throwing his condom out in the can beside you.

You laid there coming off your highs and starring into each other’s eyes for a few minutes before you got up to use the bathroom. You came back out to a, Bucky, that was trying not to cry, but when he saw you he lost it. You sat on his lap and wiped away the tears on his cheeks.

“Hey, hey, hey! At ease, Soldier,” you soothed, “What is it? I could feel something was off with you.”

He took your hands off his face but continued to hold them, stroking the one he broke years ago and looked down.

“They’re going to put me back no matter what. After this mission, they’re putting me back in cryostasis.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Find me at: steve-it-hurt-a-little-rogers.tumblr.com


	18. "Couple Fights After Making Love for the First Time" Cliche. *ding*

\--------------------------------------Bucky POV----------------------------------------

Bucky looked up at you. Your usually warm, lively brown eyes were now cold and dim with the weight of his words. There was no denying it, in three days’ time his memory would be wiped cleaned and he would be put back on ice for god knows how long.

Twenty years after HYDRA first made him into a monster, he stopped thinking his vague remembrance of a blond man was going to come save him, he stopped fighting the inevitable and just let them do what they want with him. But now, after fifty years, he found his will again. He couldn’t just leave you. You saved him.

He was so wrapped up in his thoughts he didn’t hear what you said. He kissed your hands in apology.

“I’m sorry, doll. What did you say?”

The corner of your mouth twitched a bit as you looked him in the eyes.

“I guess I’ll just I’ll have to wait for you to come back aren’t I?”

“(Y/N), no,” Bucky frowned, “I ain't gonna let them get me.”

“Yes you most certainly are!” you frowned right back, “They’ll never leave us alone, Bucky. We’ll be on the run for the rest of our lives! Or worse, they’ll find a way to replace you!”

Bucky stayed silent. He knew there was no point in talking when you were like this.

“Everyone is expendable to them, James! Ward, me, hell,  _Pierce,_ probably is! So don’t think you’re the exception just because you’re their ‘Asset’! They’ll find someone else. Could you really live with yourself knowing that could happen?”

Bucky pushed you off of him and walked away from the bed, his anger with your righteousness was making him slightly lose the control he had over the Solider scratching around in his head.

“I don’t want you sittin' around for fifty years waiting for someone that might not be me! You deserve so much more than that. So much better!”

You bit your lip, holding back tears.

“I promised you there will never be anyone but you, James. I’m keeping my promise. Will you?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Find me at: steve-it-hurt-a-little-rogers.tumblr.com


	19. I Can't Believe Steve Let Li Name One of the Twins After Doctor Who Compainions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You and Bucky take care of Steve's kids

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I know it's usually a 3 chapter chunk update, but real life is starting to take more of a priority now. I will update frequently but the number of chapters at one time my vary.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You two ate dinner not too long after your fight. Neither of you spoke unnecessarily or sat too close; it was just an all-around awkward time. Around midnight, you decided to go to bed and, Bucky, followed an hour later. As he crawled in, you expected him to sleep as far away from you as possible, but instead he wrapped his arms around your waist and pulled you in so close you felt his breath on your neck. You sighed and put your hands on his. With the way your lives were, you couldn’t afford to go to bed mad at each other.

“Bucky, I-.”

“It’s okay, doll,” Bucky said softly, “You don’t need to apologize. You’re right, I can’t risk this happening to anyone else.”

You turned around so you could look him in the eyes. They were filled with pain, fear, and love all for you.

“I’m sorry anyway, love,” you smiled, stroking his cheek, “I should’ve tried seeing it through your eyes. I’d want to run away too.”

He smiled back and nuzzled your nose before putting his lips on yours. You two lazily kissed each other for a few minutes before you snuggled into his chest.

“I love you, baby doll.”

“Love you too, Bucky bear.”

* * *

 

The first two days you and Bucky spent together consisted mainly of catching him up to the twenty first century. He mostly paid attention to you and your reactions, though he did seem to enjoy YouTube, Netflix, and you swore to god if he played _I’m Yours_ by The Script or anything Fall Out Boy related one more time you were turning him into a real ghost. The last day brought a knock at your door around 1pm. You and Bucky were in the middle of Mario Kart, so you just yelled that it was unlocked.

“(Y/N)!”

A distressed Steve Rogers came running into your living room. Your heart sped up and you moved to block, Bucky, as you remembered the reality of your situation. Luckily, the blond was too distracted to notice your odd behavior.

“I need t' take, Li, t' the hospital, so I need ya t' take the kids!” he exclaimed.

He shoved his children at you and ran out. You starred at the spot he was at for a few seconds trying to process what just happened, when the tiny humans in your arms started wailing.

“Here, you take Amy,” you said, handing over the infant to Bucky.

“Uhh…” he said, taking the child.

“Shiny things entertain small children," you advised, “Do something with your arm.”

Bucky put his index finger in Amy’s hand and started wiggling it. She calmed down after a bit and put Bucky’s finger in her mouth to suck on and started drifting off. Bucky gave you an “I did it!” look and looked back down at sleeping child, you looked down at little James who was just staring at you. The kids did take after their mom a lot with their caramel skin and wild dark brown hair, but somehow, James, got his father’s eyes. You looked back over at, Bucky, who still looked a bit unsure of holding Amelia. You briefly wondered if he wanted kids before the whole Winter Soldier thing.

“I don’t think I ever had the time to really think about it.”

Bucky looked up at you with slightly dead eyes.

“I looked at that file of me you have sitting on your desk. It said I died in what '44? '45? The 'best years of my life' were spent in the Depression and a world war, baby doll. I don't think having kids wasn't at the top of my priorities list.”

You blinked a couple times.

“James, how did you know what I was thinking?”

“You said it out loud didn’t you?”

“I didn’t _say_ anything at all.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Find me at: steve-it-hurt-a-little-rogers.tumblr.com


	20. I Knew Him

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Soul bonds are a double edged sword.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please tell me if I'm grossly misinterpreting how Bucky would act when triggered or if I'm romanticizing ANYTHING.
> 
> Steve interprets what happens as domestic violence. Just be ready for that.

_\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------_

_“Can you hear me, Bucky?”_ you thought at the super solider.

You two put the twins in your room since they fell asleep and you and he went back to the living room couch so you could finish your conversation. He nodded and you laughed a bit.

“So that’s how those fuckers do it…”

Bucky raised his eyebrows, waiting for you to elaborate.

“Steve and Li, the twins’ parents, they just always seemed to know what the other was thinking and they’re always talking with their eyes but it’s just because they have a deep soul bond! There are some soulmates that just get each other so well they eventually can literally read the other’s mind and share feelings and stuff. It’s really cool actually.”

You grinned up at your awestruck soulmate.

 _“So that means that we maybe? Well, I can hear you loud and clear. What about me?”_ Bucky thought back, “ _Can you hear me?”_

You frowned.

“It kinda sounds you’re speaking to me through a doo-AHH!”

You buckled in pain holding your head. All of Bucky’s memories and emotions clear or vague, flooded you at once- and then everything went black.

“(Y/N)! (Y/N)!” a faint voice shouted, “Doll, wake up!”

Your eyes fluttered open and you saw a panicked, Bucky, hovering over you.

“Bucky?” you whined.

He pulled you into a hug.

“I’m so sorry I didn’t know-I won’t do that again,” he promised, hugging you tighter.

“No, no, it’s okay,” you groaned into his shoulder, “I just wasn’t expecting. Do it again, just slower.”

“(Y/N) I-.”

“James, please,” you soothed looking up at him, “You don’t have to feel all of that alone anymore.”

You felt, Bucky, sigh and then slowly the door connecting his mind to yours open up little by little. Occasionally, you tensed up and he would give you time to deal with the overwhelming emotions before opening it further, until eventually you were equally sharing the same load.

“I- I haven’t felt this good in, well I can’t remember ever feeling this…light,” Bucky smiled softly at you, “Thank you, (Y/N).”

“You don’t have to thank me for taking care of you, babe," you said, kissing his cheek, “That’s literally my job.”

He kissed you on the lips back and slowly pushed you on to your back so he could hover over you.

“And as your number one patient, I need t' thank you for your excellent service, Doctor.”

You fluttered your eyelashes.

“Oh, how sweet of you Mr. Barnes! Cash or charge?”

Bucky’s eyes went almost predatory as he started kissing your collarbone right up to your ear.

“I was thinkin' more like…”

He started whispering in Russian while his hands went up your shirt that he was just about to take off when one of the babies started crying. Which set the other one off too. You both groaned and got up, the moment completely killed.

* * *

 

Steve came back around 5:00. Thankfully nothing was wrong with, Li, just a little scare. When you answered the door, you wrapped a towel around your neck just in case, James, threw up on you again and, Steve, lost it. After a minute and your best glare, he asked about your friend, but, Bucky, was in the bathroom.

“Shame,” Steve smiled, “I wanted to get a better look at the man who’s stuck with you.”

Steve frowned.

“Now that I think about it he kind of looked like Bucky…” he mumbled.

You felt a twinge of panic before the door between your mind and Bucky’s slammed shut again. Steve sensed your distress, but before he could say anything you told him you had to go and shut the door. You ran into the bathroom and there was, Bucky, standing in his boxers, toothbrush crushed in his hand, looking around like a caged animal.

“That man at the door, I saw him in your mind and then in mine. How did that happen? How?”

Bucky slumped over holding his head, you did too as the mind door suddenly swung wide open again. Flashes of different scenes of, Steve, went through your mind. But that couldn’t be right the time period was all wrong. Like war times and sometimes, Steve, was skinny, sometimes he was how he is now, but with a stars and stripes uniform and shield…

You can’t believe you didn’t put it together before now. You giggled slightly thinking about how people from the forties would turn over in their graves because of Captain America and his biracial babies.

“I knew him,” Bucky whispered, “I knew…”

You looked up off the floor and, Bucky, was sitting on the edge of the tub, head in his hands, muttering to himself. You moved closer to him and his head snapped up.

“Get away from me.”

“Bucky, baby it’s me,” you said moving closer, “I’m, (Y/N), remember?”

“Yeah, I remember! I remember you’re one of them!” he snarled.

He was pointing at the sweater you changed into earlier because little James threw up on you. It had a HYDRA communicator pin on it. You didn’t realize it before because the towel now laying in the hallway was covering it. Fuck.

“Bucky, I’m nothing like them! I would never purposely hurt you! I’m just trying to help!”

“No! I know what your ‘help’ is! Don’t wipe me again! PLEASE!”

Bucky lashed out with his metal arm and it hit you in the face. You almost passed out and you felt the blood trickling down the right side of your face. You steadied yourself on the sink and made a grab at your medicine cabinet, pulling out the tranquilizer pen you bought two years ago.

“Baby, please don’t make me use this.”

Bucky saw the “weapon” in your hand and snapped.

“LIARS ALL OF YOU!” Bucky shouted grabbing your neck.

You squirmed but that just made his grip tighter so you made a silent apology and stabbed him with the dart. He collapsed like a pile of bricks and you sat coughing for a few seconds, rubbing your neck before you realized there was a pounding on your front door.

“Shit...” you cursed.

Wetting a washcloth to wipe of your head wound, taking off your blood stained HYDRA sweater, and locking the bathroom and bedroom doors behind you, you ran to open the door. It was the Captain himself looking relieved you answered the door.

“I thought I was going-.”

His expression turned stony when he saw your injuries.

“Where is he?” Steve said scarily calm.

“Steve-.”

“NO (Y/N)!” he snarled, pushing his way into your home, “I should’ve just busted the door down. Now where the fuck is he?”

“Steve, please! He couldn’t control himself!”

Steve stopped looking through your apartment and walked back over to you. If looks could kill, the ice in his blue eyes would’ve impaled you.

“He just beat the crap out of ya an' I’m supposed t' just let that go?” he said in a low, dangerous tone, “I let that man near m' children, (Y/N)! M' _BABIES!_ WHAT IF HE HAD-!”

Steve was cut off by a moan in the direction of your bedroom.

“He’s in there isn’t he?”

“Steve, no! Steve!” you begged.

He almost broke your door down before you shouted, “STAND DOWN, SOLDIER!”

After he recovered from the shock of you announcing that you knew who he was, he gave you the nastiest look. Probably angry that he automatically listened to that command even though you don’t even come close to ranking over him.

“Captain, if you don’t get the hell out of my house right now, I’m calling the cops.”

Steve gave you his best “I’d like to see them try to arrest me” smirk before his brow furrowed and he looked off to the wall on his left. He seemed to be internally debating something. Whatever it was, he didn’t seem like he won it.

“Fine,” Cap said through gritted teeth, “We’ll talk about this later. I’m takin', Li, an' the twins t' her mother’s an' I’ll be back in a couple hours.”

He walked back out your front door and before he left pulled you into a hug.

“If you need me, _please_ call okay? Be careful,” he said softly.

“Always am.”

He walked back to his apartment and you went back to your bathroom where, Bucky, was fully conscious and sitting curled up in a ball in the tub with a thousand yard stare. When he heard you come in he turned away.

“Stay away from me, (Y/N).”

You climbed into the tub with him. He refused to look at you so you turned his head and looked straight into his eyes with as much calm as you could muster.

“James, I knew what I was signing up for when I took this job. Maybe not the soul mate part, but I knew I was going to taking care of someone unstable."

You put one hand on his cheek and the other on his metal hand. He stared at you like you couldn't be real. You smiled softly.

“I never leave a patient behind, Bucky. Especially if he’s the man I love.”

Bucky broke down and you hugged him while he sobbed into your chest, apologizing over and over again.

“At ease, soldier,” you whispered stroking his hair, “At ease.”

* * *

 

At 6:30, you two cleaned yourselves up. At 6:57, you two stood at your door, waiting for Davis’ knock. At 6:58, you pulled off Bucky’s mask and kissed him. You felt his few seconds’ hesitation, but then he melted into you. You could feel all the love and endless apologies that he couldn’t put into words conveyed through his passion. At 7:00, a pound on your door meant you two had to break away. You stood there for a few seconds longer, foreheads touching.

“ _I love you, Bucky bear_ ,” you thought at him.

_“I love you too, baby doll.”_

You opened the door while, Bucky, slipped into Winter Soldier mode. Davis was standing as irritatingly smug as usual with, Brock, next to him.

“Took you long enough. I won't be so patient next time, bitch.”

“Hello to you too, asshole,” you muttered while the Soldier left with his team.

You had half an hour’s peace- that felt so empty without Bucky-before, Steve, showed up at your door.

“Sorry. Just got back, it took longer than I thought. Are you okay, (Y/N)?” he asked, “Anything happen while I was gone? Anything you need?”

You sighed and tried not to the cold calm that washed over you suddenly take control of your mind. Winter came super early for some poor bastard.

“Yeah, I need you to let me use your shield in ultimate Frisbee. I’m sure to kick ass then.”

That got a laugh out of him which made you smile. It’s good that you knowing about his superhero double life won’t change anything between you two. You told him part of the truth.

“Don’t worry, Steve, he left. You won’t have to worry about him anymore.”

“Good, he doesn’t deserve you.”

You grunted and, Steve, turned to go to his door.

“Wait!” you said, “You said you just got back? Your stereo has been going for an hour and a half.”

Steve paused in confusion for a moment before he paled and his eyes widened. He started backing up.

“Thanks…," he said with forced calm, “You know I forgot to pick up something. I’m just gonna.”

He left down the stairs again and you closed your door. You were concerned by his odd behavior, but chalked it up to be some Captain America related thing.

You looked at the time and decided to shrug on your lab coat to get ready to go to work. Before you left, you went by your window to make sure it was unlocked when something hit you in the chest. The last thing you remembered before you blacked out was an explosion from the apartment next door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Find me at: steve-it-hurt-a-little-rogers.tumblr.com


	21. Bad Guy Uses Love to His Advantage Cliche *ding*

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some Cap 2 stuff happens, but most of it is still stuff I came up with.

\---------------------------------Bucky POV----------------------------------------

 

As, Bucky, returned to his place in the HYDRA base, he bitterly wished it was your apartment. After a minute of restlessness, he sat down and waited for you.

Thirty minutes turned into an hour. An hour turned into three. He grew uneasy. You always came after missions whether someone was injured or not. He wished there was some way to figure out where you-

“Oh duh.”

Right before he shot, Fury, Bucky, closed the door between his mind and yours so you wouldn't have to see his target die, but he forgot to open himself back up. He tried the door, but it wouldn’t budge; something on your side was keeping it shut.

 _“(Y/N)? You there baby doll?”_ he tried calling out.

Silence. He frowned.

 _“(Y/N)! Baby, answer me!”_ he shouted in his head, “Please…”

More silence. He started to panic. Maybe you are mad him, maybe you are leaving him, maybe-.

“HEY!”

Bucky looked around at the door where, Davis, walked in.

“What are you doing out of your chair? Did I say you could move?”

Bucky blinked in confusion before realizing that he had unconsciously gotten up and started pacing around again. He sat back down.

“Gave that nigger an inch with you and you both took three miles,” Davis muttered.

The super soldier balled up his fists, ready to throw punches-they were about to wipe him anyway, knocking out this asshole wouldn’t be a bad last memory-when, Davis, said something that made him pause.

“We’re not freezing you yet, unfortunately. Something came up. Be at Pierce’s place tomorrow night.”

The agent took his leave and, Bucky, was left alone with his thoughts. Needless to say, he didn’t sleep that night.

* * *

 

“We need to take him out,” Pierce said, pouring himself a glass of milk, “He’s already cost me Zola.”

Bucky showed up at Pierce’s house a bit early, so he automatically put a gun on the table just in case, Pierce, needed to use it on him. He frowned and then got up to get himself some milk. He shouldn’t have done it, but rebelling in small ways is one of the things that’s kept him going all these years. That didn’t keep him from tensing up and glancing down at the weapon when, Pierce, just barely caught him with his drink, but he relaxed when the man seemed to let it go.

“Cost your doctor too.”

Bucky froze. Pierce smirked slightly at the Soldier’s reaction. He had him right where he wanted him.

“Apparently, he found out she was one of us and had her killed.”

Bucky shook his head in disbelief. There’s no way the blond man next door, your best friend, the man ready to beat, Bucky, to death for hurting you…

“I have pictures if you like.”

Pierce brought out a few photos of you in the operating room surrounded by surgical staff with red staining your chest and one of you in the morgue on a gurney next to Fury, someone about to cover you with a sheet.

“No,” Bucky whispered.

He caught something else in the picture. In the corner of it, Steve was slightly smirking. At what he couldn’t tell, but…

_“That fucker’s going to die.”_

* * *

 

 _This. Guy. Would. Not. Go._ Down! No matter what, Bucky, did, Steve, just kept coming back for more. Every kick, punch, and stab would either be blocked or walked off. Bucky was in full blown assassin mode by now. Nothing matter or registered besides taking out the Captain. He was so disconnected that when the blond threw him and caused his mask to fall off, he didn’t even recognize his own name.

“Bucky?!” Steve asked, looking like his prayers had been answered.

“Who the hell is Bucky?” the Soldier said, cocking his gun.

He shot it when someone kicked him from above out of nowhere, making him miss and he hit the ground like a plank. The rest of the strike team quickly came in and arrested Captain America and his accomplices while the Soldier punched the ground and swore at his missed opportunity. He almost got up and walk away when he spotted something. He picked it up and his blood ran cold. It was a picture of, Steve, smiling with his wife and newborns from her hospital bed. Bucky put his head in his hands as new memories of the blond trickled in: the skinny punk standing up to men twice his size, a buff, Steve, saving him and bunch of others from a HYDRA base, Steve smiling gratefully when, Bucky, said he’d be with him till the end of the line…

Bucky felt himself led away by someone, but his head hurt too much for him to care, especially now that he heard a ghost of your voice in his head.

_“James Buchanan Barnes, does he look like a murderer to you? You were about to kill this man in what? Some misguided attempt to avenge me? How dare you?”_

* * *

 

Pierce was called in because his Asset was erratic, refusing to let anyone come near him and lashing out at those stupid enough to try. Bucky refused any of Pierce’s reasoning. The Steve, Bucky, knew would never betray a friend in the way, Pierce, said.

“You knew him because you met him on that building a few nights ago.”

“ _I knew him_ ,” Bucky said simply.

Pierce stood up, sighed, and slapped, Bucky, in the face.

“Wipe him and start over.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to say I'm about 3/4 of the way done with this story. Thanks for sticking with it if you have! And next chapter will bring a bit of Steve and Li's relationship.
> 
> Find me at: steve-it-hurt-a-little-rogers.tumblr.com


	22. Meanwhile in the Cave

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve and Li fight, you feel Bucky get wiped, other hi-jinks ensue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This brace helps just enough for my wrist not to burn for 3 days after I type for more than 5 minutes and I am okay with that. And I am NOT okay with that. *ding*  
> Bonus points to whoever get's Li's reference.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The mood in the cave was rather awkward when Steve and his friends arrived. After the initial shock of seeing that his family, you, and Fury were still alive, Steve, pulled his wife into a room. You turned to an unfamiliar good looking Black man and a faintly smiling red head.

“Hey, Natasha. Long time no see.”

“Whose fault is that?”

You shrugged, “Some of us have normal jobs, Nat.”

You extended your hand to the Black guy. He took it.

“I’m, (Y/N). To save you the trouble of asking, I’m Steve’s neighbor, Nat and I were a thing back in the day, and eye patch over there is my uncle. You one of Steve’s friends?”

“I-uh-yeah, Sam Wilson,” he nodded, processing everything you just said.

“Nice to meet you, Sam,” you beamed.

After about ten minutes, Steve and Li came out to join the rest of the group, obviously still arguing just telepathically. Your uncle started talking about how people that seem too good to be true like, Pierce, give him trust issues and, Maria, started talking about a plan to take out Project Insight when, Li, suddenly smacked, Steve, across the face.

“Wait, Li, I didn't mean that!" Steve called after his wife.

She stormed away to the room that the doctors were keeping an eye on the twins in. Steve looked at his wife's back with pleading eyes, but she refused to meet them, eventually he turned stony faced back to the team.

“Anyway..." Fury continued, “We maybe, just maybe, be able to salvage what's left of-."

“We're not salvaging anything!" 

Steve reverted back into superhero mode and glaring at, Fury, with his classic Captain-America-is-disappointed expression. The Director looked at, Steve, like he had six heads.

“We're not just taking down the carriers, Nick," the Captain said, “We're taking down SHIELD too."

Fury's eyes narrowed, “SHIELD had nothing to do with this!"

Your uncle and Steve continued to argue and quite frankly you wanted them both to shut up and let, Maria, finish because they were giving you a headache. A bad one. You cursed and held your head as the pain just got worse and worse. Wait. This wasn't a stress induced pain this was deeper and seemed a bit separate from yourself.

_Bucky._

The door between your minds shut when you got shot with that bullet filled with a toxin that slows the heartbeat down to near death. You remembered open it back up just as the Soldier was trying to kill, Steve, a few hours before. You scolded him for that and he had yet to answered you back. Now you knew why.

You blacked out as the pain overwhelmed you and woke up to your uncle slightly shaking you. Immediately, you bolted up in Steve's direction, fear for Bucky's safety taking over you because you weren't getting anything from your soulmate's mind besides cold silence. 

“They wiped him again, I felt it! We need to help him!" you panicked.

Steve stared at you while you had a mini breakdown, trying to figure out what you were talking about. His eyes flickered briefly towards, Li, whose head was turned slightly in her husband's direction.

“This is all my fault!" you cried, “I wasn't supposed to let anyone in my house and just let Captain fucking America waltz right in twice! And now I've gotten his memories taken away from him!"

Steve's eyes widened and then his brow furrowed as he seemed to realize whom you were talking about. He put his hands on your shoulders.

“It's not your fault, (Y/N)," the Captain soothed, glaring up at Fury.

You couldn't look at, Steve, because his eyes reminded you too much of Bucky's, but his assurance calmed you. Or maybe it was the faint blue smoke surrounding you. You looked around for the source and found that it was Li. The smoke seemed to be coming out of a high tech glove on her right hand, but there were no source holes in it to be seen.

 _“Is anybody in this family normal?!”_ you thought.

“Look, I didn't know about, Barnes," Fury sighed.

“If you did would you have 'compartmentalized' that too?" Steve scoffed.

Fury didn't answer and, Steve, stood up to full height.

“SHIELD, HYDRA. It all goes," Captain America commanded.

Fury looked around at Maria like he couldn't believe the nerve this man had.

“He's right you know," Maria said.

Fury looked at Sam who shrugged.

“Don't look at me. I do what he does, just slower."

Fury looked down, shook his head, and laughed a bit.

“Well," he sighed, “Looks like you're giving the orders now, Captain."

Steve smirked a bit, but that quickly turned to a flash of terror when his wife came up beside him.

 _“And_ Major," she said.

“Li, please! You're not-," Steve began.

“Steven Grant Rogers, I will not sit here and do nothing. I will not stand here and watch you die! And since I am still technically your CO, if you don’t like it, I believe that you can go to hell.”

She started messing with her glove while you looked over at, Steve, who expressed anger, disbelief, and concern all at once.

“Now!” Li turned to the doctors around the cave, “You nice people will watch my children, yes?"

The doctors all nodded and, Li, smirked.

“Good," she cooed and started to slightly glow a green light that was faintly pixelated at the ends, “And if I even think you hurt them I will despawn your asses."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Find me at: steve-it-hurt-a-little-rogers.tumblr.com


	23. Former Asset?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More Cap 2 and my imagination!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll try to make time every couple days to update this and edit Love Like a War. I'm sorry I haven't been able to be timely lately.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You and the team finished the final details of the plan on the way to SHIELD Headquarters. It was an awkward trip as, Li refused to talk to her husband and, Natasha, and your uncle kept throwing apprehensive glances at you when they thought you weren’t looking. You got off the helicopter that landed by the meeting room atop SHIELD headquarters with your Uncle Nick, while Li, Sam, and Steve were kicking ass on the base and, Natasha, was undercover in the room with, Pierce. Before you two walked in, the Director blocked your path and looked down at you with a ghost of concern on his face.

“Can you do this, (Y/N)?” he asked, “I won’t force you. I wasn’t upset when you told me you worked for HYDRA.”

You nodded, “I lied to you for two years. I should’ve joined SHIELD when you offered it to me, Uncle Nick. I’ve dug my grave, hopefully I won’t have to lay in it.”

Fury nodded back at you and muttered something that sounded vaguely like “Just like my sister” before letting you two continue forward.

You and, Fury, walked into the room and, Pierce, faltered for a few seconds before recovering.

“Did you get my flowers?” he sneered.

You and your uncle just glared at him. Natasha went back to the computer.

“I’m glad you’re here, Nick. And Doctor always nice to see you.”

“Really? Because I thought you had us killed,” Fury deadpanned.

You grunted in agreement and at the same time felt a slight stir in Bucky’s mind before the cold stillness returned.

“You know how the game works,” Pierce said.

“Then why make me head of SHIELD?” Fury asked, eyes narrowing.

“And me the physician of a secret assassin?” you chimed in.

Pierce put his hands on his hips and addressed the Director first.

“You’re the best and most ruthless person I know.”

“I did what I had to do!” Fury exclaimed, “Without killing people!”

Pierce ignored him and looked down at you with a faint look of anger.

“And as for you, I lost one Asset to Captain Rogers. I wasn’t about to lose another.”

Your brow furrowed in confusion while, Pierce, straightened up.

“Your enemies are the same as mine,” he shrugged, “Disorder, war. It’s only a matter of time before a bomb goes off in Moscow, EMPs fry Chicago.”

Fury was looking at, Pierce, with the pain of utter betrayal in his eyes. The fairer man looked like he couldn’t believe he had to explain himself.

“You didn’t ask, I just did what had to be done. Bringing order to the lives of seven billion people by sacrificing three lives.”

There was a short silence.

“Four,” you whispered.

“What?”

You looked up at your former boss with fire burning in the depths of your dark eyes.

“You, HYDRA, tried to justify ending four lives. Mine, Fury’s, Steve’s, and James’.”

You stepped closer to him.

“You talk about courage, but have everyone else doing the dirty work for you! That sounds like a fucking coward to me!”

Pierce bristled and opened his mouth to retort when something came crashing through the back window. It was, Li, and she looked like she had seen better days. The left side of her body appeared to be painfully burned in some places, with plenty of stab and bullet wounds. She stood tall but you could see the tremendous effort on her part to stay that way. In her right, gloved hand she held a bloody faced person who looked like Davis and another grunt, but honestly they were so beaten up you couldn’t truly tell.

“He won’t be bothering you anymore, lovely! We had a little chat and he’s seen the error of his ways,” she said smiling at you.

Oh yeah. You may have told her a little too much about the racist asshole at work too.

She dropped the body in her hand and brushed off her black cargo pants and black shirt and fixed her googles.

“Am I interrupting something?” she asked, finally realizing everyone that was in the room.

You turned your attention back to, Pierce, as he stiffened and looked at, Li, with pure venom.

“Traitor.”

“Douchebag,” Li growled.

You looked from Pierce to Li. She wasn’t- there’s no way. The pair stared each other down for a few seconds before, Pierce, smirked.

“You’re out of power.”

The v between the Major’s eyebrows deepened, but she didn’t respond.

“None of you have any power here,” he sneered.

The Director scoffed, pulling his former friend towards the front screen by the arm and, Natasha, put a gun to Pierce’s head.

“You should know by now that if you want to stay ahead of me…”

He took off his eye patch. And the smile disappeared from Pierce’s face.

“You need to keep both eyes open.”

The scanner confirmed the identities of both your uncle and boss and overrode Pierce’s authority to Project Insight.

“Done! Hey it’s-,” Natasha began.

Everyone except for you, her, and Fury went down due to electrocution. Black Widow brought up her gun as did your uncle and, Pierce, held out a remote towards the Widow.

“Unless you want a two inch hole in your sternum, I suggest you put the gun down,” he said.

He turned to Li. You looked at her too. She was hurting bad and in shock by the wideness of her eyes. Her arm was charred, you were sure her right hand didn’t look any better under that burnt glove. She was kneeling, but her back was still straight as she glared at her former handler.

“Stubborn. Can’t wait to take that from you again,” Pierce spat.

Pierce went over to the podium and started talking to his henchmen. You wondered how you guys were getting out of this when, Li, was suddenly behind you. You didn’t even get the chance to react before you were up in a helicarrier face to face with the Winter Soldier.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Find me at: steve-it-hurt-a-little-rogers.tumblr.com


	24. Run

_\--------------------------------------Bucky POV----------------------------------------_

The Mission

The Mission

The Mission

~~Steve?~~

The Mission

The Mission

~~Baby d...~~

A Distratction

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Find me at: steve-it-hurt-a-little-rogers.tumblr.com


	25. It's Over

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I hope it's sad enough for you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I rewrote the previous chapter just FYI

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Well, not face to face. You and Li were on the only level below him that was still intact. The ship was crumbling around you. You two could see he was wrestling, Steve, through the glass above you.

“Fuck me…”

You turned your head to see, Li, kicking, Davis, off of her.

“He must’ve been touching me when I teleported. God damn it-ow,” she mumbled pulling herself up, “Out of power. Your dick is out of power.”

She closed her eyes and started faintly glowing red her injuries healed up a little bit. Li opened her eyes and muttered something else before addressing you.

“(Y/N), he needs you,” she said, “You and Steve both. I’ll hold him still as long as I can.”

Suddenly, she turned completely green and you jumped. She looked curiously similar to one of the aliens you saw as a child watching Ben 10, but her glowing edges were pixilated. Li looked completely pixelated actually.

Li’s green light branched out and made a beeline for, Bucky, when it stopped abruptly by, Li, slamming to the ground. Davis had regained conscious and grabbed her leg and yanked her down.

“You’re not doing anything, bitch,” he snarled.

Li was looking back to normal and was repeatedly trying to kick the HYDRA grunt in face, but she kept missing.  

“Fucking-. I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS SHIT! (Y/N)! Give me your hand! Hurry up!” she commanded.

You did as you were told and extended your hand towards her. Li grasped at air and you noticed that her eyes looked out of focus and weren’t reacting correctly to stimuli. She found your hand and stared at a spot just beyond where you actually were. You realized Li’s blind.

“I’m using my last bit of power for this so if I don’t get to, tell, Steve, it’s under the floor board, okay? I can’t believe I managed to keep that from him,” she smiled while managing to land a kick right to Davis’ already broken nose. He jumped and let go of her.

You nodded, understanding nothing about what, Li, was talking about. Li started glowing green again and you could feel yourself fading.

“And tell him that-that well he already knows that doesn’t he?”

You saw, Davis, get up and lift his foot up over, Li, and bring his foot down on her ribs as you teleported.

You landed right beside the two supersoliders. The Captain had his helmet off so you could see that he looked tired. He was literally beaten to hell by the friend sitting on top of him. Both Steve and Bucky froze when you appeared out of nowhere. You glanced down at, Li, just in time to see, Davis, shoot her right in the chest. You felt something break in your chest as you looked over at Steve. He still seemed every bit the stoic soldier, but his dead blue eyes told a different story. You looked back up at, Bucky, looking panicked between you and Steve, like his entire world was falling apart around him. He looked back down at Steve, his metal fist raised.

Your already broken heart shattered completely at seeing your soulmate so lost. You put your hand on his chin and forced him to lock eyes with you.

“At ease, soldier,” you said, “It’s over. We-we’re here now. _I’m_ here now.”

Bucky smacked your hand away. And punched, Steve, twice more.

“No! He’s-he’s my mission!”

He just kept punching, Steve, until you couldn’t take it anymore.

“JAMES, PLEASE STOP! HE-!” you started crying.

“Then finish it,” Steve whispered.

You stared at the Captain in disbelief. What was he playing at? Was he really going to resign himself to death? Steve bore right into his friend’s eyes. Bucky was frozen in mid punch, breathing heavily, and his brow furrowed in deep confusion.

“Because I’m with you till the end of the line."

Bucky’s eyes went wide with recognition and he slowly uncurled his fist. You put your hand on his shoulder and he looked up at you, your dark brown, nearly black, eyes the perfect contrast to his bright baby blues.

 _“Bucky bear, please,”_ you thought at him, _“I need you.”_

Bucky relaxed further and reached out to rub his metal thumb across your cheek.

“ _Baby d-?”_

At that moment a part of the ship crashed down destroying the ground underneath you. Bucky had grabbed onto a beam and you had grabbed onto his arm. Steve wasn’t so lucky and fell into the water below as did Li’s body. There were no visible signs of Davis. Bucky looked down at you. There was still nothing coming to you from his side, but you didn’t have to ask. You closed your eyes and braced for the impact following your free fall.

 

 

A few moments later, you were dragging Li’s body to shore while, Bucky, had grabbed Steve. You checked for any sign of life coming from Li, but to no avail. Next, to you, Steve, was coughing and his eyes fluttered open for a few seconds before he passed out again. You smiled in relief that at least he was still alive and put Li’s right hand in his left. You looked up and found, Bucky, walking away, his flesh arm cradled close to his body.

“Hey! We can’t just leave them here!” you called after him.

Bucky just kept walking. You sighed, called, Maria, with Steve and Li’s whereabouts, and caught up to your soulmate.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're nearing the end!
> 
> Find me at: steve-it-hurt-a-little-rogers.tumblr.com


	26. Steve Cries and Bucky Remembers Something You Don't

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Slightly filler, but it does advance things a bit.

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A few days later, you felt that you could leave, Bucky, alone in the hotel you two were staying in long enough to say goodbye to Steve. Every time you went somewhere or slept, Bucky, would wander off and turn up a few hours later even more lost looking than before or you would find him in a bad part of town. Today, though, you finally got him to sleep for more than an hour. Steve was still healing up in the hospital. Sam, the person that let you know, Steve, woke up, met you outside his door with a somber expression.

“How is he?” you whispered.

Sam sighed, shaking his head down.

“He won’t talk, you’ve known him and Li longer. He might respond better to you.”

You nodded and Sam let you have some privacy with Steve.

When you walked into the supesoldier’s room, the briefest flash of nope went through you. Steve was sitting on his bed with his hand in the hospital issue crib that held the twins so they could hold his fingers with their tiny hands. He still looked worse for the wear, but his physical injuries paled in comparison to the pain in his eyes. He didn’t acknowledge your presence as you came in, but his eyes flickered briefly towards you when you greeted Amy and James. You took the chair on his right side and didn’t say anything for a few minutes to gather your thoughts.

“Li told me to tell you that ‘it’s under the floor board’.”

Steve stiffened but didn’t say anything. You took a deep breath.

“It’s loud isn’t it?” you said quietly, “The silence in your head. No one in there but you.”

Steve still didn’t say anything, but his mouth became a thin line and the “v” of his forehead deepened.

“Bucky and I were only connected for a few hours and I can’t stand being shut off from him,” you continued, “I can’t imagine what-.”

“That’s right so stop tryin'.”

Steve put his head in his hands.

“None of ya can! She's the first face I saw wakin' up from the ice. She's m' best gal, m' wife, _m' soulmate!_ Three years, (Y/N)! Three years an' two beautiful children that- that look just like her!"

Steve was actively sobbing. You kept still, not wanting to give him a reason to stop venting.

“I TOLD HER T' STAY BEHIND. THAT SHE NEEDED T' WORRY ABOUT HERSELF FOR ONE GOD DAMN TIME IN HER LIFE! SHE KNOWS SHE’S COMPLETELY HELPLESS WITHOUT HER POWER SUPPLY! WHY COULDN’T SHE JUST-?!”

The Captain looked you in the eye like you could answer the enigma that was his late wife. You wanted to look away. To run from the raw grief and agony in his sky blue eyes.

“Why'd she have t' be like me?” he cried.

* * *

 

You stayed with, Steve, until he was calmer so you could tell him that you were leaving with Bucky. He kept trying to pry where you were going but you couldn’t give it up because you really had no clue either. All you knew is that you were with, Bucky, till the end of the line too. After two hours, you left and went back to the hotel. When you walked in, someone grabbed you from behind. Immediately, your self-defense instincts kicked in and you smashed the back of your head into his face, with a satisfying crack and your freedom being the result.

You ran to turn on the light so you could see the intruder better.

“What-Bucky? What the hell?”

Bucky was standing at the door way holding his bleeding nose that had bruises rapidly forming around it.

“S-sorry, doctor, I thought you were someone coming for me,” he explained, “I don’t want to go back- I don’t want to forget- I-I.”

He started shaking. You went back over to him and put your hands through his hair.

“Hey, hey, hey! At ease, Soldier,” you said, “I’m not letting anyone get you, okay? You’re safe with me. Now let me set your nose before it starts healing.”

You went to sit him on the bed, grabbed the supplies you could out of your apartment, and replaced his hand with yours. While you worked, Bucky, stared at you like he was searching for something.

 _“Just like old times,”_ you thought bitterly.

You finished your work, predicted that you could probably take it off in a few hours, and made to get up when, Bucky, grabbed your hand.

“I know you,” he whispered, “Like know you, know you.”

A small bubble of hope rose in your chest when suddenly, Bucky, put his hands on your cheeks with a big smile on his face.

“You’re her! You’re the woman that stopped them from hurting me that day! You came back for me!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What shenanigans am I up to now?
> 
> Find me at: steve-it-hurt-a-little-rogers.tumblr.com


	27. Casually Dropping a Line Designed to Keep You Next to Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You get a cliche! Bucky gets a cliche! EVERYONE GETS A CLICHE!

\-----------------------------------Bucky POV----------------------------------------

"Well, you tried to stop them..."

Bucky's smile faded as remembered, Davis, dragging you away from him as, Ward, and some others held him down to be wiped. He shook his head, returned his attention to you, and hugged you tight.

"I'm so glad you're safe, baby doll," he sighed.

"James, what are you talking about?" 

Bucky lifted himself enough to look you in eyes. You were so confused. Maybe they did do something to you.

"You don't remember? It was when you told me you broke up with Romanoff. It was the day we-we first kissed." 

You shook your head in denial.

“Bucky, I broke up with, Natasha, two years before I met you.”

 Bucky frowned.

“No, no, you have to remember,” he muttered, “I’ve loved you for so long. You need to remember!”

He put his forehead on yours so he could share his memory.

* * *

 

 

“At ease, Soldier!” you greeted.

Bucky was up walking around his “room” taking advantage of the lack of scientists in it. When he heard your voice he broke out in wide smile and sat back down in his chair.

“Only when you’re around, baby doll,” Bucky winked.

You took your costmary seat next to him and dug into your bag, flustered. In the five years that you’ve been here doing something called residency for medical school, he had been out of cryo for three of them. Still nothing entertained, Bucky, more than knowing that if your skin tone was lighter you’d be redder than a tomato around him. You handed him a sandwich with a scowl.

“What? No lecture on how we’ll get in trouble if someone heard me? Or how you don’t have to come here every day?” Bucky teased.

“Bite me, Barnes,” you mumbled.

Bucky set his food down and frowned. You were just picking at your food looking like you hadn’t slept in a few days. He hated when you were upset.

“What’s wrong, (Y/N)?”

You shook your head, refusing to look him in the eye so he lifted your chin up. Your dark brown eyes were swimming in unshed tears. Bucky’s face crumpled in concern, wishing he could kiss your tears away.  Eyes so beautiful shouldn’t be so sad. A person so beautiful shouldn’t be so sad.

“Tell me,” he pleaded.

That’s when you broke down. Bucky quickly looked at the door to make sure no one was coming and then lifted you into his lap so he could hug you properly. He hadn’t seen you this low since your parents nearly cut you off from them for talking your uncle. He lifted your head up and touched his forehead to his. You two were soulmates, really close ones at that, and could share thoughts through physical contact. Not as efficient as the people that could do it even if they’re miles away from each other, but, Bucky, didn’t care. It gave him an excuse to be able to be closer to you.

He felt you sigh and then flashes of you and Natasha Romanoff, your girlfriend of four years, together. You seemed happy enough. Laughing, cuddling, fixing up her varying battle wounds, he couldn’t figure out what the problem was until the stream of consciousness changed. Slowly they turned into you staying up late for calls that never came, waiting hours in restaurants only to end up eating alone, and Natasha’s apology notes and gifts stopped coming. She stopped coming home too. The final image he saw was of you and Natasha screaming at each other as you grabbed your packed bags and left.

Bucky laid you back in the crook of his neck and stroked your hair while you sobbed. He was fuming! How dare that woman throw away four years like it was nothing? How dare she hurt you so badly? He knew he was being unfair by not getting Natasha’s side of the story, but…you were so special. He couldn’t understand how, Romanoff, stopped seeing that. Your voice cut through his haze of rage.

“We-we weren’t soulmates, but I thought we were making it work! I thought she loved me, James! I- I thought for once in my life someone needed me!”

Bucky was close to tears himself. He wanted to make it all better, to let you know you’re everything to him. That you’re his best girl

"Why am so unwanted, Bucky bear,” you cried, “Am I that terrible? That unlovable?!”

Bucky crashed his lips on to yours, surprising himself as well as you. When you broke apart, your pain and confusion filled brown eyes locked onto his sympathy and love filled blue ones.

“Don’t you _ever_ say that again, (Y/N),” Bucky whispered.

“James…”

He kissed you again. This time you both melted into it and he poured every bit of love he had into you. Your hand tangled in his hair and his metal hand cupped the back of your head while his flesh one held the small of your back. Your embrace had just deepened when a voice shouted from the door. You broke away from each other and looked in panic at the source of the shout. Standing there was Pierce, Davis, and Ward.

“Well, I came down here to wipe one person, but it looks like I got a bargain deal,” Pierce frowned.

He ordered, Davis, to separate you two, but, Bucky, just held you tighter and punched, Davis, in the stomach. No one gets to take you from him. Not when, after seventy years, he’s found his reason to fight for his humanity again.

Pierce stayed at the door and gave a choice with murder in his eyes, but a calm face.

“Either you comply or I kill her. Your. Move.”

Bucky glared at the former Secretary.

“You’re not getting her without going through me first,” he growled, “So I guess you’ll have to kill us both.”

Bucky felt you struggling against him and looked down.

“Let go of me, Bucky! I’ll go with them, it’s okay!”

The supersolider’s brow furrowed in anger as he took your head in his hands.

“(Y/N)! Why do you always do this?! Why can’t you just let me protect you?!”

“WHAT GOOD ARE EITHER OF US DEAD, JAMES?” you shouted, taking his hands off your face, “PLEASE THINK FOR ONCE IN YOUR LIFE!”

Davis recovered from his blow to the gut, grasped you by the hair, and yanked you from Bucky's lap.

“Baby doll!” he cried out.

He made a grab for you, but Ward and some others, Pierce, brought with him held the solider down.

“I’ll come back, Bucky bear! Don’t worry about me!” you promised as you were dragged across the floor, “I’ll always come back for you!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Find me at: steve-it-hurt-a-little-rogers.tumblr.com


	28. I'm a Stitch Away From Making It...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I made Bucky cry so much. Like wtf, Liana? Take a chill pill.

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You gasped as, Bucky, took his head away from yours. You sat on the bed frozen in shock, vaguely aware of the change in your soldier's state until you noticed his tight grip on your hands. You looked at him. He was shaking and pale with a stare that said he remembered something he tried very hard to forget.

"Bucky, baby, it’s okay. I’m here I’m safe!" you soothed.

Bucky looked back at you with pure pain in his eyes.

"Not it’s not! I'm so sorry, baby doll. I-I-!" he exclaimed.

You tensed up. What happened to make him this distraught? Then it came to you.

“James…” you said carefully, “Did they-did they wipe me?

Bucky nodded.

“Pierce told me he knew we were soulmates ever since you were a kid! He didn’t think it would be a problem since my vision went back to mostly grey after they took you out of my room, but then when you came back there for med school he noticed how close we were getting and me protecting you just pushed it too far! To keep me from acting out again decided that I needed a punishment worse than just making me forget myself.”

The supersoldier’s grip on your hands tightened further and he had to take a moment to compose himself enough to be coherent.

"They wiped you. In front of me," he finally said.

Your eyebrows flew up and your jaw dropped. Those bastards...

"For a year, whenever you showed signs of remembering me, they would strap you to that chair and make me watch as they erased every bit of me from your mind over and over again. Every time you came back me they would take you away."

You stayed silent so he could finish, but took your hands out of his so you could put your arms around him and stroke his hair.

"Eventually, it was too much for you and you went into a coma. Three months you were out. When you woke up, you had no memory of working for HYDRA, let alone me. And I was so far gone I guess at that point they decided it would be easier to wipe me again."

Your brow furrowed as you remembered when you woke up in the hospital. Your parents told you that you had fainted at the hospital you thought about doing residency at first and hit your head so you had been asleep for a while. They told that they found you a wonderful, safer place to work at when you gradated the next year. You could only guess that, Pierce, wanted to test how well wiping the both of you would work out and just kept changing his plan accordingly. Your train of thought was cut off by, Bucky, suddenly sobbing into your shoulder.

"Y-you screamed for me every time and I couldn't help you!" he shouted, "You needed me and I-I-I couldn't protect you! I'm so sorry, (Y/N), I wanted to save you! To take you somewhere we'd be safe! But I didn't!"

You tried to calm him down but he started to become hysterical.

“They kept threatening to kill you if I moved so I just let you suffer like the monster I am! THEY SHOULD’VE JUST KILLED ME!"

You pushed, Bucky, off of you in sudden anger. You weren't going to let him blame himself for those evil HYDRA dicks did to you, for what they did to _him_.

"James. Buchanan. Barnes. Don't you ever-how could you think-come here!"

You closed your eyes put your forehead against his. Unnecessary, but you enjoyed the familiarity of the gesture.

You felt Bucky tensing up as you showed him the story of how you two fell in love from your perspective. You wanted him to see how good he is, how happy, loved, and safe he makes you. The final image you left him with was when you tracked him down at the Smithsonian yesterday. A little girl that recognized him from the Captain America exhibit offered him a hair tie, which he happily accepted.

 You separated, looked him in the eye, and cupped his cheek. He leaned into your touch, staring at you with fresh tears and apprehension.

"You are _not_ a monster, James," you whispered, "You are so much more, so much better than that!"

You took his now smiling face in both your hands and wiped away his tears.

"You're so good to me," you praised leaning towards his lips, "I love you so much, Bucky bear..."

Bucky closed the gap between your mouths and you two shared your best kiss yet. When you broke apart, he was crying again but for a different reason, a happy one; you both were. You hugged him tight again.

“ _At ease, soldier_ ,” you mentally whispered, stroking his hair, “ _At ease._ ”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fine. Bucky got his so I guess Steve deserves a happy ending for once
> 
> Find me at: steve-it-hurt-a-little-rogers.tumblr.com


	29. We'll Carry On

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Li's mini funeral

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I almost made myself cry with my own damn story again. Fuck this.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You and Bucky stayed in D.C a few days longer. You made love whenever the mood struck and cuddled the rest of the time. One day, when you and Bucky had just gotten out of the shower, Steve called. He asked that if you were still in town would you come to a small goodbye to his wife. Of course, you said yes. Bucky opted to stay behind, not wanting to accidently cause a scene.

When you got to the cemetery, it was just Steve, the twins, and Sam. You awkwardly hugged Steve as the kids occupied his arms and wholeheartedly hugged Sam. Steve thanked you for coming and said that he wished he could do a proper funeral, but this would have to do. You looked down at Li’s grave. It was small and plain, nothing like the Li you remember, but, Steve, said it suited her perfectly. Fury was “buried” here too, but he came back to life to ask if anyone wanted to join him in hiding in Europe. All three of you declined. You and your uncle looked at each other for a few minutes, neither of you the type for sappy familial goodbyes.

“Keep both eyes open, (Y/N).”

“You too, Uncle Nick.”

He made a slight nod to Li’s grave and sighed.

“Well alright then. Anyone asks for me, tell them I’m right here,” he said, gesturing to his headstone.

He walked away and almost immediately a familiar voice came up on your left.

“You should consider yourselves lucky. That’s the closest to ‘thank you’ he ever gets.”

Everyone turned to see a smiling red head walking towards the group. Natasha pulled, Steve, aside for a few minutes and then looked over at you.

“So I guess is the last we’ll be seeing of each other for a while?” you mumbled, walking over.

“Blew my cover. Gotta go make a new one. You know how it is.”

“Boy, don’t I?” you sighed.

You two were silent for a few seconds. The air between you two would always be slightly tense, you both learned to accept that.

“(Y/N), I…” Natasha started, but then closed her mouth and shook her head, “Well, you already know.”

“Boy, don’t I?” you repeated but with a smile this time, “And me too.”

You pecked her on the cheek and she made the tiniest of genuine smiles.

“Take care of yourself, Nat Cat.”

“You too, McStuffins. I hope he’s giving you everything I should’ve."

"And I hope the person that gave you that necklace is everything you're looking for."

Natasha left and you went back over to the two soldiers.

* * *

 

A few hours later, Steve was still sitting at his wife’s grave, rocking Amelia and James so they would stay silent. Sam said he would stay so you took your leave and walked off into the graves behind them. You got a good bit away when you saw a familiar looking woman leaning on one of the trees. You couldn’t believe your eyes as you got closer, but there was no mistaking that wild dark brown hair. Or that know-it-all smirk.

“He always has to be dramatic, doesn't he?" she sighed.

You stood there in front of her, mouth agape. This woman cannot be serious.

“Well, are you gonna hug me or naw?” she grinned.

She held her arms out and you flew into them.

“How?” you cried.

“My codename is ReSpawn for a reason,” she mumbled, “Playing life on god mode. It was HYDRA’s favorite mutation of mine.”

You two pulled away and wiped off your tears.

“This is great!” you exclaimed, not registering what she said, “Steve’ll be over the moon and-.”

“No.”

Li’s face darkened and she shook her head.

“My body’s still healing. I don’t want him to see me like this.”

She gestured towards her one still unseeing eye, leg brace, and burns.

“He’ll just baby me after he tears me a new one for cutting off our mind connection again. And-.”

She closed her eyes and sighed.

“How am I supposed to tell him that someday, people will mistake him for my sugar daddy? That I’ll still look twenty three while watching Amy and Jamie die of old age? That I’ll probably still be around when Thor’s an old man?”

You blinked at her in confusion.

“I’m immortal, (Y/N)! How could I be stupid enough to have a family with my condition?!”

Li’s eyes misted over and she sat down with her head in her hands. You sat down with her. You two were silent for a few minutes, just listening to the birds and the distant sound of “Welcome to the Black Parade” coming from the direction of the immortal’s burial site. You heard a slight laugh escape from her and looked over.

"I told him I was joking, but he actually played it for me..." Li chuckled.

She shook her head at her husband, eyes filled with so much love for her blond supersoldier. You smiled, thinking about your brunette one.

“You know, Li. For those of us who only get one shot at life, we make it work,” you said, “It’s hard and dangerous, but don’t waste the time you have with him.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the calm before the last storm of this story, just fyi
> 
> Find me at: steve-it-hurt-a-little-rogers.tumblr.com


	30. It Doesn't Hurt to Look, Right?

\--------------------------------------Bucky POV----------------------------------------

While you were at Li's funeral, Bucky wandered around again. Where he was going he didn't really know, but anything was better than that small hotel room. He eventually walked by a jewelry store and saw their wedding ring collection from the window. Bucky stood there for a few minutes debating with himself. You cut off your mental connection to each other to not run the risk of him seeing, Steve, through your mind so it's not like you would know he went in there. 

Bucky knew you two were miles away from being able to take the marriage step in life, but it doesn't hurt to look right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to work in a proposal. I already kinda have actually....but would it be too soon? Please share with me your thoughts. 
> 
> Find me at: steve-it-hurt-a-little-rogers.tumblr.com


	31. ...And a Scar Away from Falling Apart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Life on the run takes it's toll

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You and Bucky managed to disappear for a year and things were as well as they could be at first. Although life on the run was hard, you never felt more loved or safe than when you were with Bucky Barnes and he felt the same about you as both your memories started to slowly come back. But, of course, it started taking it's toll.

Every so often you changed the place you stayed and eventually ended up in New York. You took as much money out as possible before HYDRA froze your bank accounts, but six months into your new life, you started to have to choose between food or shelter. You hated to admit it but you missed the stability of your apartment and career. You missed, Steve, coming over and taking your food whenever, Li, almost burns down their kitchen trying to cook. You missed your weekly chats with your uncle. You missed not having to fear for your life every second of the day. Most of all, though, you missed Bucky's smile.

Without HYDRA consuming his free will, he was starting to dwell on the last seventy years more and more. Most days, he was your sweet Bucky bear that swept you off your feet literally and figuratively and you basked in every moment of it. There are some days, though, were he would do nothing but just sit in bed, his eyes and mind decades away from you. Those were the days you just held his hand tried to remind him that all those deaths weren't his fault. That it wasn't him. Whether he believed you or not, you lived for the days you woke up with his arms around you and his charm on full blast. His good days started diminishing in number when his metal arm started malfunctioning, however.

You knew it was inevitable. Something like that probably needed regular maintenance and the fact that his arm wasn't looked at after his helicarrier fight with, Steve, didn't help matters. The problems with it started off small at first with the occasional involuntary jerky movement, but soon it started getting worse. Some days it wouldn't move unless, Bucky, put all his concentration in it and the left side of his body was angry red from the constant shocks going through, but because he had cut you off from that part of his mind you didn't know how bad his pain was. You found out one day when you returned from getting dinner to find an empty motel room.

" _BUCKY? Baby where are you?!"_ you mentally panicked.

" _Abandoned factory a couple blocks from the motel. I'm there...and stuck."_

You ran there with your soul mate's directions. He was stuck alright. His metal arm was sandwiched in a large clamp. Bucky grinned up at you sheepishly.

"James Buchanan Barnes-!" you started, kneeling to be eye level with him.

"I thought I had it handled!" he shouted, cutting you off.

"This doesn't look 'handled', James! Please let's just-!"

"NO, (Y/N)! I'm not ready to face him yet!"

"You are literally stuck in a giant factory grade clamp!"

You kept on insisting you two go to Avengers Tower so Tony and Li can fix his arm, but he insists on telling you not to worry. Which is, of course like telling you not to breathe.

"And James, you can never be ready for something like that! Sometimes you just have to take it head on! Make a blind leap of faith!"

Tears were forming in the corners of your eyes as you took his face in your hands.

"Bucky bear, please!" you begged, "I don't want you to hurt anymore!"

His eyes softened before hardening back to ice. He turned away from you.

"That's the problem, (Y/N). I'll never stop hurting."

"Bucky..." you began, putting your hand on his shoulder.

He flung your hand off of him and faced you again. You tried not to shrink as you felt his slowly building rage.

"You know it's not just physical, it's here too."

Bucky tapped on his head with his flesh index finger. You looked down, tears spilling over. Of course you knew his overwhelming guilt and frustrations, they caused you nightmares too.

"But I'm learning to deal with it so  _stop pitying me_ , okay?" he said through this teeth.

That switched on your rage.

"I'm not pitying you, James! I would never insult you like that!" you shouted, "I'm worried! I'm a doctor, it's my job to worry about you!"

Bucky's eyes flashed.

"IS THAT REALLY ALL I AM? A JOB? JUST A BURDEN IN YOUR PERFECT LITTLE LIFE?"

"NO, JAMES! YOU  _KNOW_ THAT'S NOT WHAT I MEANT! You mean so much more to me than that! You are so much more! It's just..."

You sighed and ran you hand over the top of your head.

"We've known each other for eight years, been together for three and I still have to pry your feelings out of your head because you don't want to bother me. You're my soulmate, James! You know what's in my head, you know how I feel about you, yet you still think I'm here for you only out of pity and obligation!"

You looked him in the eye.

"I-I can't take it anymore, baby! How do expect me to just sit here and ignore your pain?"

Bucky's fist clenched and his face darkened. The room dropped twenty degrees.

"So what are you saying? That you're leaving me? After all we've been through?"

You almost growled at his accusation and stood your ground.

"Of course not, Bucky! I promised I would never leave you behind! But maybe when we get you out of this thing we both just need some fresh air."

The supersoldier looked down at the ground.

"Fresh air..." he whispered.

He mentally murmured something.

" _What?_ " you asked mentally back.

Suddenly, he started screaming out loud.

"FINE! GO GET YOUR 'FRESH AIR'! I DON'T WANT YOUR HELP! JUST FUCK  _OFF!_ "

He got in your face, looking at you with nothing in his eyes. Usually when he was around you there was some emotion in his eyes. Happiness, anger, hell even that day in your bathroom he at least looked scared. Right now, though, his eyes were empty. The lights were on but nobody was home, a complete disregard for you and everything you are. Those weren't Bucky's eyes, those were the Winter Soldier's. You must have shown some sort of fear response, because next thing you knew, Bucky, snapped out of it. He moved to comfort you in apology, but forgot his arm was stuck in the machine.

"Fine," you snapped.

You moved to stand up, but, Bucky, grabbed your arm with his flesh hand. You looked down, refusing to face him.

" _(Y/N), I'm sorry...I didn’t…”_ he mentally pleaded, " _Don't leave me, baby doll, please._ I need you _._ "

You growled in frustration.

"YOU'RE. STILL. NOT. _LISTENING TO ME_!"

You jerked your arm out of his grip, too angry acknowledge the part of you that knew it was going to take a long time for him to even slightly get over seventy years of torture and abandonment issues.

" _Please..."_ he begged.

You took one last look at the love of your life before you left and your anger subsided a bit. He looked so vunerable with his blue eyes filled with pain and endless guilt and, of course, he was completely helpless at the moment. You sighed knowing what you had to do.

"I'm going to get someone. Just-just don't do anything more stupid till I get back," you grumped, slamming the door behind you.

As you walked down the street, you heard him mutter "shut up" to himself and he settled down.

“ _Why are you so sweet on me, doll?_ ” he whispered.

You sighed and slightly smiled.

_“You’ve never given me a reason not to be.”_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All hate mail can be forwarded to: steve-it-hurt-a-little-rogers.tumblr.com


	32. Why Can't These Bastards Just DIE ALREADY

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Alright, I'm coming."

"Thanks, Li. We appreciate it."

You were at a pay phone a few blocks from the motel because you chose food and shelter over your cell phone bill. Li shifted uncomfortably on the other line.

"Do you want me to bring, Steve?"

You waited for Bucky's response. He reluctantly approved it.

"Yes, bring him if he'll come."

“If he forgave me what makes you think he won't forgive the love of his life?" Li laughed.

The line went silent for as you were sure Li and Steve were mentally conversating. As you waited for the immortal to finish talking with her husband, you started to feel a uneasy, like someone was watching you. The field of view you had from the booth yielded nothing out of the ordinary, but you decided that you should start heading back to Bucky.

"Listen, Li, I gotta go."

"Hmm?" she said absently, "O-Steve, I'm on the phone cut it out!-Okay, lovely. We should-Steve, please!- be there in...oh...the morning... _oh, Stevie_..."

"BYE!" you exclaimed.

You heard a vaguely familiar voice shouting at the two superhumans to get off his couch before you hung up.

Shaking your head, you exited the phone box only to be roughly grabbed from behind. You slammed the back of your head into your assailant's face and freed yourself. You tried to run, but you collided with someone else. You looked up to see a man covered in massive scaring from terrible burns.

"Going somewhere?" Rumlow asked.

You backed up only to be kicked to the ground. A boot pressed to your back making it hard to breathe.

"You won't remember how to even  _eat_  when I'm done with you, bitch," Davis snarled.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All hate mail can be forwarded to: steve-it-hurt-a-little-rogers.tumblr.com


	33. I'm Coming for You, Baby Doll!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky is surprisingly calm. I guess the reader just has that effect on him.

\--------------------------------------Bucky POV----------------------------------------

 

" _BABY DOLL!"_ Bucky screamed into the empty room.

He tried to get up but was promptly pulled back down by his metal arm still being stuck in the clamp. He struggled against it again, but it still wouldn't move an inch.

"ARE YOU  _FUCKING KIDDING ME_!" he shouted, pounding his flesh hand on the machine.

It wasn't fair! Pierce was dead, the major HYDRA base he was trapped in was taken down, and he still wasn't free! Those bastards still had control over his life, he still couldn't protect you, he still couldn't-

" _James, baby, breathe!_ "

Bucky sighed in slight relief and focused on your voice.

" _What are they doing to you? Give me a look around your location,"_ he asked as calmly as he could.

It looked as though you were in a factory similar to the one he was in, but it was converted into a make shift lab.

" _Bucky, they've got me in-."_

You stopped talking as Rumlow and Davis came in. The latter came and messed with the restraints on your wrists and ankles. The best thing about the mind connection between soulmates is that it can act as a hidden camera.

“Did you really think escaping HYDRA would be that easy?” Davis sneered.

“Obviously it is since it took you morons over a year to find me," you quipped.

Davis smacked you across the face and, Bucky, growled at him.

“You still think you’re funny? Beatings weren't enough?" Davis hissed, "I guess I'll have to use a more... _pleasurable_ way..."

Bucky couldn't see what the creep was doing because you refused to look down, but the supersolider felt enough of your disgust and fear to know that he was ripping Davis' arms off first chance he got.

"HEY!" Rumlow shouted across the room, "You can play later. Get over here!"

Bucky waited until, Davis, was out of your sights to open his mouth.

" _(Y/N), I'm coming for you. I just need to-"_

 _"You just need to wait for Steve and Li,"_ you ordered, " _Whatever Stereotype #5 and friend over here are planning, it won't be ready 'till tomorrow."  
_

 " _But-!"_

_"James! If you come over here without back up and and bleeding out from a missing arm, I will kill you myself."_

Bucky sighed in defeat. You almost always right and this was one of those unfortunate times.

" _Fine,"_ he conceded, " _But if I even_ think _that asshole is touching you, I'll-!"_

" _Rip his arms off,"_ you finished with a smile, " _And beat him with own limbs? Get in line, Barnes."_

" _Great minds think alike?"_ he teased.

" _We're basically married, Bucky. I always know what you're thinking even if you don't want me to."  
_

Bucky grinned like a love sick puppy.

“ _I love you, baby doll. So much more than I can ever show._ ”

" _That goes double for me, Bucky bear."_

* * *

 

Bucky didn't realize how much the excitement of the day had taken out of him until he was being shaken awake. His first instinct was to kick out the person's legs, but with his awkward angle, they easily dodged it.

"Whoa there, Soldier! Nice to see you again too."

Bucky blinked, trying to remember the woman in front of him.

"I didn't expect you to know me. We only met once and they wiped you soon after. My codename's ReSpawn, but call me Li," she sighed, "Now let me take a look see."

She went on all fours to see the predicament, Bucky, got himself into. After a few moments, she whistled.

"Wow, you must have been trying really hard to get yourself stuck, bro," she laughed and got to work, "By the way, where's (Y/N)?"

At the mention of your name, Bucky, stopped focusing on trying to dig up a long forgotten memory.

"They've got her! We have to go now! I can't believeI let myself fall asleep-!"

"Buck, what are you talking about?" Steve asked, moving slowly towards him, "Who's 'they'?"

The brunette supersoldier took a deep breath and focused on your sleeping mind to calm down the Soldier that wanted to tear, Rogers, apart.

"Davis and Rumlow," Bucky said evenly, "They have, (Y/N), in one of the abandoned places around here and-OW WHAT THE FUCK?!"

He glared at, Li, who was half way through with his arm. 

"Sorry," she shrugged, "Your arm has a bit of a self-repair built into it, so it attached itself to the machine. I'm literally ripping you out of-there we go!"

Li roughly pulled out the rest of his slightly mangled arm and they both fell on floor. 

"Nailed it!" Li grinned, "Now let me see what I can do about fixing it." 

Bucky huffed impatiently as he felt you waking. You were confused at first but that turned into fear when you remembered where you were.

" _I'm coming, baby doll, just hang on,_ " he soothed.

" _Well, it's not like I can go anywhere,_ " you sighed, "Aw fuck!  _#5's back."_

Davis came into your field of view and, Bucky, stiffened. He exhaled when all the goon did was check your restraints and walk away.

" _Whatever you're planning, make it fast Bucky,_ " you said, " _Li show up yet?"_

 _"Yeah, getting my arm fixed up right now,"_ he confirmed, " _Steve's here too._ "

He felt your hesitation in asking your next question.

" _I'm fine, doll, I can't go ape shit when you're in my head with that unamused frown, can I?_ " 

" _Shut it, Barnes."_

" _Oh, baby, I love it when you order me around."_

" _Bite me-oh wait hold on actually shut up they're both coming over."_

Bucky unconsciously shifted as he felt your spike of fear when Rumlow and Davis both started messing with you.

"Hold still, Barnes," Li ordered, "I'm almost done."

"Li, can you get a location pin pointed? I can start heading over," Steve asked, sensing Bucky's distress.

"Yeah, give me a sec."

Li closed her eyes and the green glow coming out of her hands engulfed her whole body. ReSpawn's eyes twitched as she looked around.

"Got her!" 

"Got it," Steve nodded.

The Captain put his hand on his best friend's shoulder.

"We'll get her back, don't worry."

Bucky nodded in gratitude. Steve left and, Bucky, turned to Li. He wanted to ask how much longer, but she looked worried and in pain at the same time. He looked down at his arm where her hands seemed to have become part of the metal. 

"Does that hurt?" he asked.

"Every time," she said, "Distract me."

Bucky was silent for a few minutes, as he wasn't much for small talk these days. He looked at the woman working on his arm for a minute. She didn't seem like any of the people, Steve, usually went for as far as he could remember. Not skin color wise as neither of them ever cared about that. But this girl was tiny, had crazy hair like yours but bigger and slightly lighter, wore just a simple t-shirt and pants, and, of course, there was the whole superhuman thing going on. Finally, he spoke.

"I'm glad that punk found someone that puts up with him since I wasn't around."

"More like he puts up with me," she muttered, "I don't know why he bothers sometimes...and done!"

Li took her hands off and, Bucky, flexed his metal fingers. He could feel that it wasn't completely functional, but it would do for now.

"Thanks." 

"Anytime," she said standing up.

She grabbed Bucky's hand and both of them began to glow and fade. They landed next to, Steve, who was in cover a few feet behind you. Bucky went pale and, Li, cursed seeing the chair you were strapped to.

"Oh oh no," Bucky said, "They have  _another one?_ "

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All hate mail can be forwarded to: steve-it-hurt-a-little-rogers.tumblr.com


	34. Fighting! Love! Excitment! *ding*

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Stop squirming!" Davis snarled.

He slapped you in the face and you felt, Bucky, jump up. You ignored the pounding headache you now had from the force of the hit and focused your soulmate's frustrations due to Li and Steve holding him back.

" _Plan, James!_ " you mentally scolded, " _You need a plan!"_

You grunted as, Davis, muffled you with a mouth guard. You began shaking. After almost a decade of stopping, Bucky, from getting wiped and being in the chair many times yourself, it was a hard to not be visibly frightened. Davis smirked at the tremors going through your body. He roughly grabbed your hair and pulled your head back to make you look up at him.

“Gave that machine an inch with you and you both took three miles,” he growled, "Pierce never wanted to put you in your place! A man like him, listening to pleads from a little nigger whore all because he loved his precious plans."

His grip on you tightened painfully, but you refused to let your discomfort show.

"He loved order, but couldn't even keep his inferiors in line! But he's dead now which makes me the alpha around here now."

Rumlow scoffed a bit from across the room and, Davis, snapped up, narrowing his eyes at his partner. Rumlow turned back to the computer he was messing with. Davis turned off his communicator and put his mouth next to your ear and you could feel Bucky's mind go scarily silent.

"I was hoping I wouldn't have to use drastic measures, but you seem to be a  _hands on_ learner," Davis whispered, kissing you just under your earlobe and running his hand down your thigh, "I'm going to put you in your place-on your knees  _thanking me_ for allowing you to exist- every day until you get the picture."

The goon straightened up, released your head, and nodded at, Rumlow, who was facing you two with a look of slight disgust at Davis. You closed your eyes as you felt the familiar burning pain of the memory eraser.

" _Bucky, what ever you three are doing, now would be a good time!"_ you panicked.

He didn't respond so you focused on not letting your memories be taken away from you again as the pain intensified, spread, and-stopped. You opened your eyes and saw a metallic figure that was glowing green standing on top of, Rumlow, typing away on the controls to your chair. Next to you, Davis, made a move forward only to be snatched from behind and thrown across the room into the computer system. The metal person flickered back to human appearance for a brief second from the surprise.

“Just because I can't die doesn't mean give me a heart attack!" Li frowned.

Bucky ignored her and came around to undo your restraints.

“I'm so sorry, baby doll. This is all my fault," he whispered, “I should've just listen to you instead of-!"

He took out your mouth guard and you shut him up with a kiss because, Davis, was making his way back over. You broke apart from, Bucky, with a smirk.

" _Go get him, Soldier."_

The supersoldier smiled wide and rubbed his nose against yours then he turned his attention back to the HYDRA agent. Cold calm was over you slightly. Winter was coming early for that bastard.

"You know I don't even know why I'm here."

You turned to see that, Steve, had taken Bucky's place at your side.

"I mean, Li and Bucky seem to have it covered," he said.

Steve was right. Every time, Rumlow, so much as twitched, ReSpawn, would bring her metal foot down on him and the Winter Soldier was beating the life out of Davis.

" _James Buchanan Barnes! Don't you_ dare  _kill that man,_ " you warned. _  
_

There was a few seconds hesitation in his answer while snapped both of Davis' arms.

" _I wasn't, doll, just making a point._ "

With that, he dragged, Davis, over to you and, Steve, went over to his wife. 

"Apologize!" Bucky ordered.

He held Davis' battered face up to a bit below your eye level. Davis shook his head which only made, Bucky, slam it into the floor.

"Apologize! Now!" 

"Bucky, forget it!" you exclaimed.

"But he-!"

"No, I mean he's already unconscious," you deadpanned.

Bucky looked down at the not moving body, smirked slightly, and dropped him. Your soldier gathered you up in a hug.

" _Let's get out of here,_ " he sighed.

You nodded in agreement and buried your head in his neck with tears threatening to fall from your eyes. A ticking sound made you pause though.

" _James, do you-?_ "

The last thing you remember before the world cut to black was a loud boom and a green flash.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All hate mail can be forwarded to: steve-it-hurt-a-little-rogers.tumblr.com


	35. You Gotta Hold On

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For a while you felt and heard nothing. It was pleasant, the quiet darkness nothing but the occasional passing image of, Bucky, but like everything good about your life in the last year or so, it didn’t last long.

Every so often there would be excruciating pain and arguing voices. Sometimes the pain got so bad you wanted just let go, anything to get away from it, but then Bucky's voice and a green light would keep you holding on.

 

 

So you waited.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All hate mail can be forwarded to: steve-it-hurt-a-little-rogers.tumblr.com


	36. And Now It's Time for One Last Bow...

\--------------------------------------Bucky POV----------------------------------------

"Could you go faster please?" Bucky growled.

"I'm trying! There's a lot to work through and full body healing takes a lot of my power," Li sighed.

The Soldier slammed his hands down on the empty space next to you on the bed and got in ReSpawn's face. Bucky knew that he was being unfair, but you'd been out for a month and didn't look any closer to waking up.

"IT'S YOUR GOD DAMN FAULT SHE'S LIKE THIS!" he shouted.

At the factory, Li's tinkering with the computers set off a bomb attached to the mind wiping chair, something she didn't realize until two seconds before it detonated.

Li's eyes flashed green and she opened her mouth to argue back, but then she closed it and whipped her head around to, Steve, in the door way of your room in the Tower's medical wing. They stared each other down for a few minutes. She turned back around with a dead look in her eyes.

"I'm sorry," she whispered.

Bucky backed off a bit as she returned to healing you from the inside out.

"Hey, Bucky, could you come over here for a second?" Steve called.

As, Bucky, walked over to his friend he shrunk a little. Steve had never subjected, Bucky, to his disappointed stare so intensely, but it softened when, Steve, opened his mouth to speak.

"How ya doin' Buck?" he asked, "Besides the obvious I mean."

Bucky sighed and turned back towards you. On the outside, you were still covered in burns from the explosion in the factory and, according to, Bruce, on the inside things didn't look any better. Though Li's quick thinking of putting a force field around everyone and shielding you with her metallic body saved your life, that didn't change the fact that you were sitting at hypocenter of the bomb. Bucky was there too, but his supersolider healing helped, Li, fix him up much faster than you.

"I just need her t' be okay," he said, "It's my fault she was there, it's my fault she's not off in some hospital savin' lives and stayin' safe."

He turned back to, Steve, with tears in his eyes.

"I could tell she wanted to leave so many times in the beginning, but she stayed because of me. I was nothin' but a killin' machine and she never flinched away from me or treated me like I was less than human. She treated me like I was somethin' worth saving."

His tears spilled over and, Steve, moved to hug him.

"I fucked up her life and now she might die while I still get to live! How fair is that?" he cried.

Steve stayed silent, not wanting to give him a reason to stop venting.

"I love her so much, Steve! So god damn much. I was-I was goin' to ask her to marry me! And now I won't even be able to apologize for gettin' her killed for the hundredth time!"

Steve forcefully pushed, Bucky, off of him.

"Stop talkin' like she's already dead! If there's one thing I know about, (Y/N), is that she's a survivor. She'll get though this."

Bucky knew how resilient you were, it was one of the many things he loved, but there's only so long someone can fight. Steve shook him a bit to bring him out of his train of thought. Steve was smiling at him.

"Besides, ya forget who's takin' care of her."

Steve looked up at his wife and his smile grew softer, but concern was in his eyes.

"M' gal would sooner die herself."

* * *

 

 A few hours later, Steve, tore, Li, away from you for the day. Bucky was a bit sorry that he snapped at her like that as she was doing literally everything in her power to make you better. You were about half healed, but, Li, said there was still too much damage to safely wake you up and, Bruce, backed her up. 

He never left your side the entire time you were there. Steve (or someone else on the team when, Steve, couldn't be around) would bring him some food three times a day, which he would barely eat and bathing was something he put on the back burner. It had been like this every day for a month too long for, Bucky, and today was no different. You and Bucky were alone in the room again with the supersoldier sitting in his chair next to you, stroking what was left of your hair.

“ _Just like old times, huh, baby doll? Never thought it would be you on the choppin' block instead of me though_ ," he tried to joke, " _Have to admit, I see why you panicked after every mission. This feels like shit."_

All he got in response was a beep from your heart monitor and he let out a chocked sob. Bucky reached out for your hands and put them where his pain was like he used to do.

" _It hurts so bad, baby doll_ ," he cried, holding your hands tight over his heart, " _Please, heal up and make me better the way only you can. You-you can't die on me, (Y/N). I-I-I don't think I'll make it if you-!_ "

He lost his composure at this point and sobbed at your side until he fell asleep.

* * *

 

" _Pathetic._ "

" _Shut up_."

The Winter Solider never left Bucky's mind and he doubted he ever would, but now, Bucky, was in charge.

" _I could've been great. I was great! The 21st century exists because of me. And you threw that all away for some cu-!"_

Bucky punched the dark, empty part of his mind in mouth.

" _Don't you_ ever  _talk about my girl like that_ ," Bucky said, scarily calm, " _She saw right through you and pulled out the guy that was kickin' and screamin' to get out. I don't have be you anymore._ "

The Soldier scoffed.

" _You'll always be me. You may keep me contained today and you may keep me contained ten years from now. But some day you'll fully need me again and I'll be here_ itching  _to pull the trigger again._ "

Bucky glared but didn't say anything. The Soldier smirked.

" _By the way, hero, I think your girl is dying again. You might want to wake up, I wanna see this."_

Bucky's brow furrowed and then he heard the distant drawn out beep of your heart rate monitor. He jolted awake and looked at you in panic.

"Bucky, I'm going to need you to move," Li said.

She teleported in beside you and had her hands on your chest like a defibrillator and shocked you with her green light. Your body arched, but you remained flat-lining. Bucky stood there frozen.

" _No, don't do this to me,_ _doll!_ " Bucky said, " _You got it started before, come on, baby."_ _  
_

Li shocked you again. Still nothing.

"Bucky, move!" Bruce shouted.

The supersoldier remained in place until a pair of hands grabbed and started pulling him away.

"Come on, Buck. You'll still know what's happening, but Bruce and Li need to work."

Steve parked his friend in the door way and stood by his side. Bucky just stared at you silently begging your heart to start beating again. After five more minutes of trying to get your heart starting again, Bruce grabbed Li's shoulders.

"Li...Li, forget it," Bruce said, "She's-she's gone."

Li shook her head, her hands still glowing on you. Bucky broke away from, Steve, and slammed, ReSpawn, against the wall beside you.

"You said you would do everything in your power to fix her," he snarled, "So. Fix. Her."

"I-I-I don't have- I've used up as much power as I can without killing myself again," she stuttered, "I don't want to die and she still not be better because I won't be able to do anything for a few weeks when I come back."

Bucky felt a hand on his shoulder, shrugged it off, and let go of the woman. 

"You should've just stayed dead," he said coldly before turning to you.

"James-!" Steve began.

"Move," said a digital sounding voice.

Bucky turned around to see a blindingly green and pixilated figure. When he didn't move fast enough it pushed him out the way.

"What are you doing?" he asked.

"Fixing her," Li said simply, "If this doesn't work...Barnes you have full permission to wail on me. Steve get him out of my way."

Once again, Bucky, felt himself being taken away, but this time he was carried out of the room and put in front of a two way mirror. Bruce showed up beside him. Inside the room, Li put her hands back on you and you were completely covered by her light. There was flash that made everyone have to shield their eyes. When it subsided, they looked into the room again. Li was standing there at your side, wobbling a bit. She turned her head towards her audience, smirked, and collapsed. You gasped and shot up.

"(Y/N)!" 

"LI!"

Both soldiers ran to their respective partners. Bucky squeezed you tight and then peppered your face with kisses.

“My baby's alive!" he cried, “I'm so sorry, baby doll! I-!"

"Bucky!" you cut him off, "What's going on?Where am I?"

Bucky laughed at your confused expression, something he thought he'd never see again. He ran his thumb across the worried crease in your forehead and down your cheek.

"It's a long story, baby. I'll tell you later."

He turned around to face your savior, not realizing how silent she and, Steve, were being.

"Thank y-."

The supercouple was on the floor. Li was unmoving in Steve's arms. He had an ear pressed to her chest, mouth moving in silent pleads.

"Is she-?"

Steve made a shushing motion and everyone was silent for a moment before a smile spread across the blond's face. Li gasped to life and groaned. She laid in her husband's lap, staring at a point just beyond him.

“ _Please_ tell me that worked so I can go take a month long nap," Li said.

"Yeah, she's up," Bucky laughed, "Thank you, Li and I'm sorry f-."

Li frowned in the direction of Bucky's voice.

"Soldier, don’t say or do anything you wouldn’t've if I hadn’t just saved your soul mate."

Bucky blushed and grinned sheepishly. Steve stood up carefully holding his now sleeping spouse tight in his arms.

"Let's get ya t' bed, sweetheart," he said, "Are ya guys, okay?"

Bucky looked at you, going over every detail of your existence and nodded. Steve nodded back and smiled at you.

"Glad t' have ya back, (Y/N). We still have a movie t' finish!"

"Thanks...?" you said.

He walked out of the room and, Bucky, took you into his arms again. He was never letting go of you again. You had just opened your mouth to say something when, Steve, poked his head back in.

"Oh, an' Bucky..."

The brunette looked over at his friend and the blond had on his most threatening Captain America glare.

"I dare ya t' manhandle m' wife like that again."

Bucky smiled nervously and nodded in understanding. Steve left for real.

"James, what the hell did I miss?!"

Bucky sighed, "Well..."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Find me at: steve-it-hurt-a-little-rogers.tumblr.com


	37. ...Like Every Other Fic...

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“ROGERS! DIDN'T I TELL YOU TO STAY IN YOUR LANE? THAT I HAD IT HANDLED?"

You sighed and smiled. Arguing was good. Arguing meant everyone was alive and well.

“GEE, _MA'AM,_ THAT SOUNDS REAL FAMILIAR, HUH?"

You looked over at, Tony, who was sitting next to you on the couch. He stayed home with you and the now two year old twins. When the team came back Steve and Li were bickering again so the inventor turned on the loudspeaker system in the kitchen.

“Is it really necessary to broadcast their arguments to the entire living room?" you asked.

“Yup," he said.

He bopped little James on the nose.

“Because your mommy and daddy can't seem to find their way to the bedroom without my help. They made you and your sister on my couch and I still want my money for the replacement."

You opened your mouth to tell him to be appropriate around the children, but he shushed you and returned his attention to the audio show.

“YOU COULD'VE DIED, STEVE!"

“YEAH, AN' I'D LIKE A BIT O' SYMPATHY!"

“SYMPATHY? _SYMPATHY?!_ " Li scoffed, "I'LL SHOW YOU 'SYMPATHY'!"

There was a slight crashing noise and then silence. The other Avengers came streaming into the living room to decompress. Bucky plopped down next to you.

“ _Hey, baby doll_ ," he smiled.

“ _Hey, Bucky bear_ ," you said, giving him a kiss.

For a few seconds, you and Bucky were the only ones in the room, basking in seeing each other after a long mission. Your moment was soon broken by the speaker system.

“ _Fuck_ , sweetheart...best use o' ya mouth all fuckin' _week..._ god _,_ ya so pretty when ya suckin' m'-."

“ _GET_ _OUT_ _OF MY_ _KITCHEN!"_ Tony shrieked, mercifully drowning out the rest of the Captain's sentence.

You laughed so hard that you fell back into Bucky's lap at the sight of, Tony, setting, James, down on the couch and sprinting out of the room. When you regained control enough to open your eyes, Bucky, was staring down at you like you were a miracle of some sort.

“ _What_?" you asked.

He just kissed you, picked you up, and you felt him cut you off from some of his thoughts. You two went to the direction of your shared bedroom all the while, Bucky, whispering all the ways he loved and missed you. You decided to ask him what was wrong later. For now you just snuggled into his chest, happy that he was home again. Mental bonds were fun, but nothing compared to the real deal.

When you got to your destination he set you down on the bed, but didn't crawl in next to you. Instead he suddenly completely cut off your mental connection and over to his drawer and rummaged around in it.

“Bucky, what's wrong?" you asked in concern.

In response, he walked back over to you and got down on one knee. In his hand, he held a small blue box. You put your hands over your mouth and tried to not start prematurely crying. Bucky's beautiful blue eyes, every other color was dull and boring compared to them, looked at you with an intensity you never saw before.

“I tried to have this whole big speech planned, but..."

The supersolider laughed slightly and shook his head at himself.

“I haven't been good with words in a long time."

He blushed and shifted nervously for a few seconds you smiled at him. Your awkward dork of a soulmate.

“But it's not like words can describe how I feel about you. The one person that cared enough to protect and save the man HYDRA tried to rip out of me. Even if we weren't soulmates, I'd only feel complete when you're around."

He opened the box and revealed your ring. It was a gold band with tiny diamonds embedded in it. In the setting, there was a nice sized princess cut diamond with two smaller ones on either side. Of course, it was perfect.

“Almost ten amazing years ago, you made me human again and I want to spend every remaining second with you. (Y/F/N), would you marry me?"

He looked at you with such hope in his eyes and now you knew why he cut off your bond. He wanted this moment to be spontaneous. He wanted to physically see and hear you say those four magical words.

“Yes, Bucky, I will." 

Your tears spilled over as he sprang up, hugged you tight, and slid your ring on. You cupped his cheek and he leaned into your touch, kissed your palm, and reopened your mental bond.

“ _I love you so much, baby doll. There's no one else. I’ll_ always _want only you,_ " he whispered.

“ _I love you too, Bucky bear. I’ll always come back for you,_ " you promised.

He pulled you in for kiss. Slow, sweet, and full of feelings that only soulmates could share. Eventually, you pulled him onto the bed and you sat up to deepen your kiss.

Your mouths' movements matched each others' perfectly and your hands tangled in Bucky's hair while he had one hand on your back and the other cradling your head. What started out sweet was getting hot and passionate. At some point, you two broke for air.

“Make love to me, James," you whispered out loud. 

Bucky smiled, ran his flesh thumb down your cheek, and claimed your lips again.  He started shedding your clothes while you took off his. Soon, you knew that you two were probably being loud as shit and Steve and Li would mock you mercilessly later, but that didn't matter. All there was in the world right now were you and Bucky.

This bout of love making wasn't like your previous ones. Those were fill with desperation and the knowledge that one or both of you could be gone in an instant. Today, though, it was nothing but hope and promises of forever. 

Bucky came with your name on his lips and you followed soon after. For a few moments, every thing was perfect. You laid on Bucky's chest, listening to the steady, familiar beat of his heart while he lazily stroked your back.

_“So do you still need that 'fresh air'?"_

You propped yourself up to glare at your fiance. He was wearing a smirk that you were sure came right out of 1940.

_“Shut up and kiss me some more, you ass."_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Find me at: steve-it-hurt-a-little-rogers.tumblr.com


	38. ...Yours and Bucky's Story is Over Now...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's about damn time, jerk. I'm surprised, (Y/N), waited this long.
> 
> Shut up, punk. You give Li a proper wedding yet?
> 
> ....
> 
> Yeah, that's what I thought.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter switches between (Y/N)'s and Bucky's POV just fyi

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"It's not like I can stop him from seeing me in the dress, we're mentally linked, Li," you lied.

"(Y/N), stop bullshiting me and block him out so you can get ready," Major Rogers ordered.

You sighed. For the past couple hours before your wedding, you and Li were sitting in her room doing your hair and make up. Bucky was spending it getting the finishing touches done in the outside area you two decided to do the ceremony at. Tradition says that it's bad luck for the groom to see the bride's dress before she walks down the aisle, but you needed Bucky's presence to calm your nerves and vice versa.

_"Sorry, Bucky, I gave it my best shot."_

_"It's okay, doll. That dress won't be on for long anyway."_

You rolled your eyes and felt Bucky's smirk widen.

_"You're incorrigible."_

_"If I wasn't, we wouldn't be doing this."_

You were about to retort back when, Li, tightly squeezed your shoulder with a death glare and started glowing green. James and Amelia, who were sitting on a chair in the corner started clapping over "mommy's magic trick". You knew the full extent of her "tricks" and found nothing about them funny, however.

" _See you soon, Bucky bear,"_ you said quickly.

" _Love you, baby doll._ "

You cut off your mental connection to each other and glanced up at Li.

"Now!" she shouted, "Try to make your hair last at least a week and a half? I got you the best black stylist around and-"

"Li, I don't think your superpowers count," you teased.

ReSpawn frowned in mock hurt and snapped her fingers.

"I came out here to have a good time and honestly I'm feeling so attacked right now," she whined.

She turned your chair around to face the mirror you were in front of. When you saw it you were glad your makeup was minimal and waterproof.

You decided on a 1940s inspired dress with lace sleeves that ended just before your wrists and a lace back after Bucky pointed out one similar to it. Li managed to style your hair into an elegant up do like one of the pictures you showed her. All in all, you loved it.

"It you," Li laughed after watching you gawk at yourself for a few minutes.

Your maid of honor put your veil on squeezed your shoulders. 

"The Sergeant's going to bust a nut when he sees you!"

"LI ASHTON ROGERS!"

You gasped and turned to swat her, but she teleported next to her children.

 

 --------------------------------------Bucky POV----------------------------------------

"Believe me, Buck, she'll love it."

Buck ran his fingers through his hair for the hundredth time. At first he was going to trim it to just below his ears, but, Steve, said that you mentioned wanting to see what it would look like short like it was during the war.

"You better be right, punk," he said nervously.

Bucky's best man laughed and reached out to fix the tie on Bucky's uniform. 

"Come on, jerk, (Y/N), loves you, not your stupid hair. In the two years we lived next to each other, all she did was talk about you before she realized she could get in trouble for it."

Bucky just grunted, but he smiled as he turned back towards the mirror and fixed his hair. 

 ---------------------------------------------------------------------------

As the wedding march started, butterflies filled your stomach. You opened your link to, Bucky, again to calm your nerves and was hit with a wave of happiness and awe.

Of course, you had nothing to worry about, everything was going right so far. Since neither of Steve's kids were old enough to stay focused, Wanda, agreed to be the flower girl and Sam ring bearer. You invited your parents out of respect. Both declined verbally, but you smiled slightly when in the corner of your eye you saw them watching from as far away as possible. 

When you got up your soldier, you wiped away his tears as he had started crying almost the moment he saw you walking down the aisle with your uncle.

"Take care of my niece, Barnes. Understood?" Fury ordered. 

Bucky nodded, not taking his eyes off you for a second. The director gave you away and you stood face to face with your groom. 

" _You clean up well, Soldier_ ," you said, approving his short hair. 

It fit him well and he looked extraordinarily handsome, but secretly you couldn't wait for him to grow it back.

" _You're breathtaking, doll_ ," he smiled, " _And yeah I'll grow my hair back._ "

You feigned ignorance.

_"I said no such thing, Mr. Barnes. How dare you?"_

" _We're getting married, (Y/N), I always know what you're thinking even if you don't want me to_ ," he smirked.

Natasha, your wedding officiant, cleared her throat. You and Bucky grinned sheepishly and nodded at her to continue. Natasha winked at you and began.

"We are gathered here, not to witness the beginning of what will be, but rather what already is. We do not create this marriage, because we cannot. We can and do, however, celebrate with (Y/N) and James the wondrous and joyful occurrence that has already taken place in their lives, and the commitment they make today..."

 

 --------------------------------------Bucky POV----------------------------------------

Getting to the vows couldn't come fast enough for, Bucky, and he knew you could feel it.

“True marriage begins well before the wedding day, and the efforts of marriage continue well beyond the ceremony's end. A brief moment in time and the stroke of the pen are all that is required to create the legal bond of marriage, but it takes a lifetime of love, commitment, and compromise to make marriage durable and everlasting. Today you declare your commitment to each other before family and friends. Your yesterdays were the path to this moment, and your journey to a future of togetherness becomes a little clearer with each new day..." Natasha droned on.

" _Bucky, relax babe."_

" _I can't,_ " he whined, " _I just want you to be Mrs. Barnes already._ "

"(Y/N) and James, seek from within yourselves the serenity to accept the things you cannot change, the courage to change the things that you must, and the wisdom to know the difference. Live each day, one day at a time enjoying your time together, one moment at a time. Seek the wisdom of experience and learn all that you can from each other. Accept hardships as the building blocks of experience, realizing that accepting both the good and bad are simply a part of being alive. Strive to make as many things right as is humanly possible in your life together that you may be reasonably happy in the life you share from this day forward..."

" _James, I've practically been Mrs. Barnes for three years, you can wait ten more minutes for it to be official."_

_"I know, but-."_

"PLEASE REPEAT AFTER ME!"

Bucky jumped and looked at the red head that was giving him the stink eye.

"Do you, James Buchanan Barnes, take, (Your full name), to be your partner in life and sharing your path; equal in love, a mirror for your true self, promising to honor and cherish, through the good times and bad, until death do you part?"

Bucky looked into your dark brown eyes and he swore everything but them went grey for a few seconds. 

"Yes, I do. No matter what, you'll always be my best girl, baby doll."

Everyone awwed, but all, Bucky, cared about were the tears you were fighting back.

" _You just called me baby doll in public. You know you live_ with,Tony Stark, _right?_ "

Natasha prompted you to repeat her as well.

"I do, Bucky bear-"

"Baby doll?" Tony laughed, " _Bucky bear?!"_

Bucky started plotting the billionaire's murder when, Li, beat him to it. Being Tony's platonic soulmate had it's perks. One of them being that she knew more about the inventor than anyone wanted to.

"Shut up, _Daddy,_ " the superhuman sneered.

Everyone lost it for a few seconds while Tony's ears went pink. Attention was turned back to you after the room calmed down.

"There's no one else, but you Bucky," you finished.

Natasha shouted for, Sam, to bring the rings made of vibranium. You picked up Bucky's golden one and put it on his right hand. Both of you agreed that would be the safest place for it.

"With this ring, I do thee wed," you smiled up at him.

Bucky grabbed your ring, kissed your hand, and slid the band on top of your engagement one.

"With this ring, I do thee wed." 

Both Bucky and you were buzzing with excitement by now so leave it to, Natasha, to teasingly drag it out.

"Does anyone have a reason these two should not be wed? Don't speak it, the Scarlet Witch and Quicksilver are sitting right behind everyone."

"Natasha..." you groaned.

She twitched her lips at you.

"Okay, McStuffins. Just trying to be through," she laughed, "And now, by the power vested in me by the State of New York, I hereby pronounce you husband and wife. Do your thing."

Bucky lifted your veil and pulled you closer.

" _You're so_ beautiful _, baby,"_ he whispered, " _How did I get a girl like you?_ "

Before you could answer, Bucky kissed you deeply. He put every bit of happiness, love, safety, acceptance, _everything_ into it. Then he did the one thing you said under no circumstances was he allowed to do. He dipped you and cameras went off.

" _James Buchanan Barnes! I told you not to...mmmm."_

Bucky discreetly kissed the spot on your neck that drove you crazy and moved to whisper in your ear. There are just somethings a mental bond couldn't convey.

"You can punish me for it tonight, _Mrs. Barnes_."

He sat you two up right and put a protective arm around your waist as people came up to congratulate you two.

* * *

 

It was two weeks after your marriage to, Bucky, and you were laying on his chest with his arm wrapped around you, slowly drifting to sleep to the steady rise and ebb of his breathing. The decided honeymoon was Tokyo and it was the best time of your life. The sites and sounds of the city were both everything you expected and not. During the day and some nights, you and your husband ran around being unintentional painfully obvious tourists, though you were learning. Other nights, you two spent solely in each other's company. After a decade, some people would think it would get old but it never did with you and Bucky. 

You were almost asleep when you felt, Bucky, twitch, mumble, and tense up. You squirmed out of his arm because you could faintly see the nightmare he was having and it didn't look like he was going to snap out of it.

" _I'm sorry, (Y/N), please come back to me!_ "

“Bucky, wake up!" you shouted, "It's not real, baby!"

" _They made me do it. HE made me do it. I didn't want to!_ _"_

He was too deep into it to hear you and he started clawing at his metal arm.

" _My baby's dead. My baby's dead because of YOU!_ _"_ _  
_

_“WAKE UP, SOLIDER!”_ you yelled, slapping him hard across the face.

Bucky jolted awake and looked around in distress, but when he saw you he relaxed slightly. 

"Baby doll? You're not-? Where are we? _"_

You stroked his cheek, making complete eye contact with him. His nightmares were always worse in unfamiliar places.

"We're in Tokyo, Japan on our honeymoon _,_ " you explained for the fifth night this week, "We're safe, baby, okay?"

Bucky stared you in confusion for a couple minutes. Eventually, he nodded and laid back down. You followed suit and he put his head in the crook of your neck so you could stroke his hair. 

" _I'm sorry, baby doll,"_ he cried,  _"I'm sorry that I'll never be better. I'm sorry that I'll always make you worry. I'm sorry I'll never be what you_ _deserve. I'm-"_

You slid down until you were face to face with your husband and shushed him by putting your finger to his lips.

"Bucky, read my mind what am I telling you?"

Bucky went silent for a few seconds.

"Out loud, James. Say what I feel about you."

Bucky looked at you and then took a deep breath.

"'James, you are everything I need. There's nothing broken or flawed or worthless. I didn't know you before your fall, but from what, Steve, tells me you are still every bit the man HYDRA tried to rip out of you and more'," he whispered. _  
_

"Louder, baby. Say it louder," you ordered.

Bucky smiled and strengthened his voice.

"'You are the bravest, sweetest person I've ever known. You are a good man, Sargent, so good. Every minute I spend with you is better than the last and I want to be with you forever and always."

 You kissed his nose.

" _I love you, Bucky bear,"_ you smiled, " _I honor and cherish you through sickness and in health."_

You sat up held up your left hand. Bucky took it with his right.

" _The good, the bad, and sometimes just plain ugly,"_ he chuckled.

You both leaned in for a kiss.

" _Not even death can make us part,_ " you two finished simultaneously.

When you broke apart, Bucky, looked to be back to his old self so you two laid back down again.

"I love you so much, baby doll," Bucky said, “And hey."

You looked up at him and he was looking back at you firmly.

"I hear you in there," he scolded, tapping your head, "Don't you ever think you're not doing enough for me."

He kissed you again for a few minutes and then you snuggled into his chest again and he held you tight against him. Yeah, this feeling will never get old.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Would you believe that reading about getting married to Steve helped me out of my writer's block for this chapter?
> 
> Find me at: steve-it-hurt-a-little-rogers.tumblr.com


	39. ...and I Hope You Enjoyed It!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The end

\--------------------------------------Bucky POV----------------------------------------

"Stevonnie Sylvia Barnes. This has to stop!" you frowned.

The local high school called again a few minutes ago about, Stevonnie, getting into another fight. Bucky let you talk to her since he didn't see anything wrong with her behavior given the circumstances of it. He just stood in the front door way and tried not to crack a smile.

"But mom, they kept calling, Jamie, a boy even though she's told them a million times she's a girl! It's stupid that people like that still exist!"

"Does it really solve anything if, Jamie, has to pull her bullies off of you when you get in over your head?"

Stevonnie gave the tell tale pursing of her lips, that showed that she spends way too much time around her godfather. Bucky was dangerously close to losing his composure.

"I'm her friend, I gotta stick up for her."

You sighed and turned to him.

" _Help me_ ," you told him.

" _How the hell am I supposed to stop the next Captain America? I couldn't stop the current one!_ " he argued.

" _James Buchanan Barnes_ -."

" _Fine, okay I'll try._ "

Bucky looked at his only child. She looked like a cross between you and him with her dark skin, but blue eyes. She had his chin, but unfortunately in your opinion, your "nappy ass hair". Your daughter also seemed to inherit two doses of downright stubbornness and absorbed Steve's slightly annoying self righteousness along the way. Bucky always found it hard to actually get mad at her.

"Mind your mother, Vonnie," he said sternly, "She just wants you safe."

"Fine, okay I'll stop. Can I please go now?"

"Yes, but your curfew is seven tonight," Bucky said.

"But Dad-!"

"You wanna try for five?"

Bucky and Stevonnie stared each other down.

"Okay, Dad. I'll be back before seven. Sorry for questioning you."

She slouched off the porch to go run off with Jamie and Amelia. Jamie put her arm around, Stevonnie, and tried to cheer her up with some joke that almost sent, Amy, into an asthma attack.

"The Epic Love Story of Steve and Bucky: The Next Generation," you laughed, after seeing that, Amy, was attended to.

"Ha ha, you're hilarious, doll."

You leaned into him and he wrapped his arms around your waist. He looked around at his life, the one that he thought he could never have. Bucky started crying a bit and you turned around to touch your forehead against his, saying the words that started it all.

“Hey, hey, hey. At ease, Soldier."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the first more than 3 chapters fic I ever finished! If you stuck with me this long thanks so much and I will see you in the next one! Later bros!
> 
> Find me at: steve-it-hurt-a-little-rogers.tumblr.com

**Author's Note:**

> I know it's a dumb premise and I'm sorry it's written in this way. I just came to me like this in a dream.


End file.
